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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5809
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Kate, Im glad to catch you and hope you are ok. Is there

Resolved Question:

Kate, I'm glad to catch you and hope you are ok.

Is there such a thing as falling out of love? Or not liking someone anymore, after a twenty year marriage. I know it's a general question, but would like to understand if you actually "fall" out of love, or other negative feelings override the feeling of love, but love is still beneath the surface. (the therapist eluded to the fact that my husband may no longer be in love with me ) Thanks much ...
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
Hi Dee,

Falling out of love can happen but as you said, it can happen in different ways. You can fall out of love because of the behavior of the other person through abuse or neglect of the relationship (not caring, not listening to the other person, apathetic, etc) or you can fall out of love because of your own feelings about the person. Sometimes relationships start based on other reasons than love but it feels like love so you follow it, trying to make it work. Or you can develop problems in the relationship that cause the both of you to drift apart.

Most of the time, issues in a relationship can be overcome and love can be strengthen through working on the relationship. If both people care enough to put energy into the relationship, then it can work out. They will grow closer, even if the love is not as strong as it used to be. And plenty of relationships feel more like friendships than the type of love relationships depicted in the movies and TV shows. It is the bond that counts.

If your therapist suggested that your husband might have fallen out of love with you, then it could be due to his inability to get you to stay in the pattern of dysfunction that he wants. He also could have so many issues that his own problems override his ability to love you or anyone more than himself and getting his "needs" met. That is often the case with abusive relationships. The abuser wants everything their way and when the other person complies, the relationship "works". But when the other person becomes healthy in their behavior and tries to change the relationship, the abuser "falls" out of love and increases their negative behavior.

TherapistMaryAnn and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Kate, so sorry for the delay as I was away.
Thank you very much once again.
I will speak with you again, thanks !
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
You're welcome, Dee. It's great to hear from you, anytime! Take care.

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