Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective
It seems as if your ex-partner will never have good relationship. You will only have good moments.
He seems to be a narcissist - a manipulator who needs to have admiration from many sources, and needs to control and manipulate them.
Narcissists are the best manipulators and liars, and they always blame their victim and make them the perpetrator while they are always the victim.
The most difficult thing about a narcissist is that they do not, CANNOT, have empathy for others needs or feelings or pains or emotional. They may pretend they do, but it doesn't ever touch them. That is sociopathic behavior.
Here are the "official" criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Diagnostic criteria for 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder
(DSM IV - TR)
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
(4) requires excessive admiration
(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitude
These people usually do not change so he is correct. Take him as he is, or leave him.
Let me recommend a couple of books on the subject: one telling how to understand them and one how to "divorce" them.
This relationship is not working. I know that you love him and want it to work, but there is just not a way. He will not change even if he wants to.
He needs to have love conquests and people he can manipulate. He obviously has many good qualities, but as he implied or said, take him or leave him.
I wish I could give you a more hopeful reply, but gave you the honest one that you came here for.
I shall keep you in my prayers.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC