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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Heres a little background. My girlfriend and I recently broke

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Here’s a little background. My girlfriend and I recently broke up about two weeks ago. We had been dating for just under two years and had been long distance most of the time due to our current careers. We talked every night and things were always great when we were together. We come from very different backgrounds and families. She is very close with her family and her family gets worried if they haven’t heard from her that day, whereas I can go weeks without talking to my family. You can see where we might have some communication issues. Over the past few months, she let me know she had been unhappy. I honestly believe the majority of the problem is the fact that we are long distance. However, I also attribute it to our focus on our new careers. Like I said, things were great whenever we were together and we did our best to see each other about 2-4 weekends per month. The breakup was mutual and we agreed on terms where we would still talk a few times a week because we really have become best friends. I understand she wants to date other people to see what is out there so I have been doing my best to give her space because I really do want her to be happy. It was pretty obvious with our last conversation on the phone that we still had feelings for each other so we decided not to talk for about a month to make the process easier on each other. I guess I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted which made it easier to agree to see other people. However, I have no interest in seeing other people right now and I know I’ve made a huge mistake. I want to give her space, but at the same time, I don’t want to lose her forever. I know she’s the one. I guess I’m just looking for an opinion on how I should approach this situation. Also, our 2 year anniversary (or what would have been) is coming up. I don’t want to do anything crazy like send her flowers because I know we aren’t dating anymore, but would sending her a message to thank her for the happiest 2 years of my life be completely out of line?

I am sorry about what has happened and thank you for explaining everything. I think that is a wonderful idea. I don't think sending that message is a bad idea at all. It is actually a very good idea and not out of line. This will remind her of how happy you were with the relationship as well as possibly spark some emotion on her part. So I would say go for it!

I wish you well and please let me know if I can be of further help.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.



I appreciate the feedback on the message. Could you give an opinion on how I should go about trying to get her back? As far as giving her time, space, telling her how I feel, etc.? That was originally what I was trying to ask.

No problem. I would try writing her a letter. Since she already said she wants space then talking or pleading with her will not work. It can even push her away. With a letter you can explain your feelings, what you are wanting, how you respect what she wants, letting her know if you feel you can or can not be friends at this point, and etc. Also, let her know how you will not be contacting her much and it is not due to you not caring, but more so because this is what she is wanting. Explain that she needs to be able to let you know the balance between space and spending time in order for you to respect her wishes. By writing the letter she will have time to dwell on it and take it all in rather than responding hastily. You also will have a chance to perfect exactly what you want to say therefore your exact meaning of your message is relayed. This way you would have done your part and would just need to wait on her at that point. How long you wait is really up to you. A good indicator would be is if you see things progressing or remaining stagnant.

I wish you well and hope that was what you were looking for. If not please let me know.

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