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LoveOneAnother, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 33
Experience:  13 years experience working with individuals in various capacities including counseling, leading, and teaching.
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Hello, I hope someone can help me get some more light to this.

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Hello, I hope someone can help me get some more light to this. So, me and my girlfriend just got back together last week. I asked her why we broke up and she told me she was confused. So, for her birthday she told me that we would spend the day together but for some reason, that all changed so that she could spend time with her ex boyfriend. She told me that they are just friends and I dont think she wants him back because he put her thru alot of things but he keeps trying to get back with her. And I think by her talking to him is just leading him on and keep on trying.

But just this weekend, she asked me Tuesday what I was doing on saturday like she wanted to do something with me and I asked her if she wanted to spend the day with me and it seemed like she wanted to make excuses and not do anything with me but her friends wanted her to go to a party that her ex was doing. But they didnt go.

When We got back together, she told me how much I ment to her and how much she wanted me and liked me and her much her feeling were for me. But, she sounded really nervous when she told me that.

Can someone help me understand this? I really dont know why she doesnt want to do things with me all of a sudden. She used to change her plans just for me but now its like I cant even do anything with her all of a sudden.
Hi Jordan,

This situation sounds frustrating for you. I am not sure why she seems to keep avoiding you after she proposes time to spend with you. Has she had any abuse issues in her past? How long have you been seeing her? Are you okay with her seeing her ex on a "friends" basis?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I dont think so but she has had some bad relationships in the past but I havent talked to her about them. We've been together for about a month now. Im not really OK with it but I wanted to see if it is right if I tell her that I dont want them talking anymore. I understand the friend part but not doing things with him.


But, I was thinking what may have went wrong and I think near Jan 10, she started acting differently, she stopped calling me and I was now calling her and always trying to start communication. Over Christmas, she changed all her plans to be with me but now it seems to me an excuse not to do anything with me. Also, are you able to chat later in the day? Thanks for your help.

I am online now and will be here later as well.

I think it is ok to ask her to stop talking to him since he was an ex-boyfriend. I know I would not want my boyfriend talking to his ex. If you discuss with this with her and she takes offense, you could always decide after the fact if she decides that she still wants to communicate with him whether or not you are ok with this.

I'm glad you did some review in terms of when she last called you. It seems odd to me why she would just stop talking to you if it wasn't for another relationship like her ex. What do you think?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I dont know. I dont think that she would want him back but sometimes I do feel like I am a option sometimes. But she has told me that it is only me and her from now on. But, I think she has a problem sharing her feelings to me. She is very scared that I will start talking to another girl and leave her. I think she might think that I am talking to another girl (even though im not) and she might think that she shouldnt do things with me. This is very confusing to me.

Have you asked her about what you're asking me? Sounds like you are both fearful that each other will leave or not elect to be with you because of someone else.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

No, but I will tonight. I just want to get a 2nd opinion on everything...

Sounds good.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Do you know why she might push me away everytime I try to open up to her?

Perhaps she has attachment issues based on previous relationships. Have you asked her this? This would be the only way of knowing. You could say when appropriate - I've noticed that it seems like you push me away when you try to open up to me - or something like that.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

ok, thank you so much for your help.

Thank you for the opportunity to assist, and best wishes with your relationship!
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