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I texted the same girl and mentioned that we should talk, and

she said that she knows...
I texted the same girl and mentioned that we should talk, and she said that she knows that it's shitty but she has an intense week because of her job and her athletic competition. I've tried to text her to stay in touch and she doesn't respond, I know her and I know the situation and I just think why would you say something like , "i love you", which is so personal and so intimate without planning on following through or at least addressing it. I understand that she is an INTP personality, and that she tends to avoid conversations when it comes to addressing her feelings. But don't say things, don't bring things up if you 1. aren't ready to deal with the repercussions of your actions 2. don't feel that way. I'm really confused , and i'm not sure how to handle the situation. I don't think talking is really going to clear any of that confusion, i think she is confused about what to do next and am i suppose just be patient for another 5 months until she's ready to talk about a future with me? How do I know if she just handles things differently or if she doesn't really feel the same way about me?
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Answered in 17 minutes by:
3/2/2013
LoveOneAnother
LoveOneAnother, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 33
Experience: 13 years experience working with individuals in various capacities including counseling, leading, and teaching.
Verified

LoveOneAnother :

Have you tried to talk to her about this and tell her what you are telling me? Even though you are not sure if this would work, this would be the first place to start.

LoveOneAnother :

You must have her answer the question - why would she write this and leave me hanging - because you don't know.

Customer:

i mean she responded and agreed we need to talk and i told her it could be informal but its been hard keeping in contact with her

LoveOneAnother :

The other question is - I guess, based on past experience - are you willing to wait 5 months for the answer? Or, are you just distorting the time frame she will respond to you?

LoveOneAnother :

Why has the contact been difficult? This is what is needed.

LoveOneAnother :

There are many ways to talk nowadays - phone, email, in person. In person is the best, XXXXX XXXXX not, there are so many options.

Customer:

she told me that it had been years since she cared about anyone the way she cares about me, and that i drive her crazy and i agreed that she drove me crazy and then i invited her over for dinner and told her i wanted to try and makes this work and she seemed conflicted but told me to find someone else and that she wouldnt see me again...that was in june

LoveOneAnother :

She has to answer these questions you ask, but communication is a priority.

Customer:

and i have been trying to move on in my life, and she comes back and tells me she loves me and wants to move forward with our future...and i understand that communication is important but she is so avoidant

LoveOneAnother :

Well, can you follow up? That is some time ago. So you don't think she was clear about her feelings?

LoveOneAnother :

Well, then perhaps you need to decide if you want to pursue a relationship with a person who is avoidant if this is her pattern

LoveOneAnother :

Also, she states one time that the relationship is over and the next that she wants to move forward. This seems quite odd since these statements are at two ends of the spectrum. Perhaps you should clarify this. Hope this helps.

Customer:

idk when we are together, its overwhelming..everything about us together already points to us working on something but i think she has this crippling fear that things are going to end badly, and i mentioned how i dont enjoy the non dealing part of things with my family and implied that things just dont go away so by avoiding

LoveOneAnother :

And then what was the response? Is the fear irrational and not founded? I would explore this.

Customer:

she didnt really respond, she seemed like the question hit home..and didnt know what to say. I mean i know she has been hurt before and i have left in the past because she was so unclear of what she wanted ,and i know her ex left her for someone else so i feel like now she's hyper sensitive to people abandoning her..and that its easier to not get attached

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Then this issue needs to be explored with her. Ask yourself:
- If she is capable of attaching to another based on past experiences
- Am I willing to work this through with her?
LoveOneAnother
LoveOneAnother, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 33
Experience: 13 years experience working with individuals in various capacities including counseling, leading, and teaching.
Verified
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LoveOneAnother
LoveOneAnother
LoveOneAnother, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 33
33 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 13 years experience working with individuals in various capacities including counseling, leading, and teaching.

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