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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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looking for sex therapist please respond

This answer was rated:

looking for sex therapist please respond
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Hi there.

The best place to find a sex therapist, is to find one that is a member of AASECT. They are usually licensed mental health therapists with additional training and national certification.

Here is the website.

AASECT - Member Directory

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

For Elliot: Thank you Elliot but I was hoping to find a therapist here at Just answer with experience in sex therapy to answer some questions for me. You yourself have helped me in the past with other issues but I thought this issue would be handled by someone with other training. To be honest, I would prefer that to be a woman, if possible. Are there any women therapists on this service with that training and capability?

I don't know of any, per se. I have studied under a sex therapist, Dr. Fred Stickle of Bowling XXXXX, XXXXXtucky, if I can be of service.


Warm regards




Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Do you(or I ) have any way of blocking
these questions from being read by everyone? I do not feel comfortable having them on the internet for all to read(nor would my husband-he would really be angry if he started reading about himself here in public domain)

Dear friend,

The best I can do is to block the question when we have finished our chat and the rating is posted. Then I can block it immediately and no one, not even you nor I can see it. When I do it you will get an email confirmation which you can delete. I also cannot unblock it, but you could have it restored (which is, I imagine, a moot point).

Please let me know. I shall be available most of the day tomorrow and we can continue. Just write to me and send me details and I shall be happy to work with you.

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

sorry- not understanding. Does that mean we have to be in chat to do that? My schedule is varied. Easiest for me to send a questions. Then is it possible for me to close out the question every single time by rating you and then send another etc.? Would that keep it from being seen....ever?


We can communicate back and forth like this on the same question and close it out.

You can start a new chat and do it in one shot and close it out.

You can send one back and forth and close each one out as you suggested.

You can also be discreet enough not reveal facts that will point to you. Even on the off chance that someone reads it they will not know it you.

I don't know your identity or whereabouts and could not figure it out unless you gave me some good clues and I was very clever, and then I might.

Its up to you. I am happy to help any way I can.

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

For Elliot: OK lets give it a shot and I will try to speak somewhat symbolically, and see if you can understand me. Hi Elliot! You have helped me before. I am the one with the husband who works in England and am dealing with anxiety over my suspicions about him cheating. You advised me to buy a book which is helpful but an event happened that really made me say Hold on here- this guy IS cheating I am a voice teacher.

I know voices like the back of my hand. My husbands voice gets very altered after he releases sexually.His voice sounds in a way it does not sound at any other time, in any other way. He called me a few days ago, with this voice bigtime. I had spoken to him 2 hours earlier when he said he had to work late. Then he calls sounding like this and I am supposed to believe he is working late?? Granted, I know he pleasures himself- that is his business and I dont need to know about it. But there was no time for that in this scenario. How am I supposed to believe this when I feel like its a direct assault to my face? Good God- if you are going to lie and cheat, at least be discreet about it. Dont call me 10 minutes later and try and act like everything is fine!! He swears he isn't and immigrating him is looming. I just dont know what to do. Additionally another reason this is hard for me is that he does not release himself with me anymore. He pleasures me greatly and he takes my sexual satisfaction as something important but he does not release himself( he used to often when we were trying to conceive). I guess that is also why this is difficult because I feel like he is intimate with someone in a way he is no longer intimate with me. Help!!

Dear friend,

You did not have to ask for me by name as we are still on the original question.

I remember you and your situation.

I fully understand your ability to hear the change in your husband's voice. I am a singer, composer, and music producer with his own studio (now mothballed), with perfect pitch and the ability to hear those subtle but telling voice changes. I have produced hundreds of albums (mostly small).

I use that ability as a listening therapist, and sometimes can even detect those sounds in the written word, if that makes any sense.

Voices and language are also my passion. I know and can speak in dialects (American and British), and so I know EXACTLY what you are telling me.

Trust your hearing. If you hear his change due to his sexual release, then you heard it in his voice. He was not a work-weary man, but a man who had just shared intimacy with another person.

It is possible that he is using you for his green card, and wants to do what he can to "please and fulfill" you, but is not really into it. It is what he must do to keep his enterprise going.

Trust your talented ears. Trust your emotional intelligence.

This is what I hear from you.

Although I am speculating, I am doing so with a great deal of confidence, and I believe that you also think this way..

I hope this has been helpful.

Warm, regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

A musician! Ofcourse!! Too Funny! So you ARE the right person to talk to after all!! Yes, the green card question. But why introduce me to the family and have me be an integral part of his families life- why does he keep waiting for me now to say yes to his immigration now 5 years later? He hates to spend money and he has spent so much money on me and our situation. He has spent so much on my grown children. He can go out and find someone to wed and bed quickly that will pay for HIM- there are many who wouldnt care if he cheated- they cheat too. Also he has green card status in another 5 years thru his sister. He could just wait till lottery comes up, which we might do anyway. I know he loves me. I dont doubt that. This feels more like something that has happened since we married( over a year ago). It feels like he got his wife and she is not there and so this is OK because all men of his nationality cheat with both men and women(perhaps his lover is male but he VEHEMATELY denies that). But as you well know by now- THIS IS NOT OK WITH ME!! Why would he keep me around when he knows that and he swears he isnt doing that? Honestly, as I think I have said to you, I am also concerned about the possibility of him having multiple personality. Because the innocent sweet humble man I love is definately there- that is who his family sees him as. That is how i see him most of the time, but the difference is I believe there is a dark side and he just adamently denies its anything more than anxiety issue. We know he does have some type of anxiety disorder. Can anxiety issue ever lead to alternate/multiple personality disorder as well? Does a multiple personality know what the other personality is doing at any given moment?

It doesn't look like he is playing you for the green card now that you have expanded the situation.

He may be very well doing what he sees as culturally normal and you see as not.

If he had multiple personality disorders (now called DID), then you would have noticed the voice changes, new names, memory lapses, and changes in mid conversation.

He has a dark side, but I do not think that it is DID.

He would have at least two very distinct personality states. with different patterns and different relationships to the world.

He would have memory lapses.

The personalities may not know each other, but they may.

I do not believe that he has this disorder.

I think that he has a dark side. Because he denies it vehemently, he may be gay.

Next time you talk to him mention casually about someone else who is gay and insert it inconspicuously into the conversation. Then use your powers of voice discernment.

He loves you in many ways but he does not want to [insert rude by appropriate word] you. That should tell you a lot.

This may or may not make a difference to you (I say it would), but this is perhaps what is behind his lies, his dark moods, and his inability to make love to you.

Warm regards,


Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Yes, I believe this.....maybe.But he knows how much I do not want to be a "beard" for someone and he knows what the truth means to me, as it is the blood and marrow of vocal work and work as a musician. You know this- one cannot be living a lie and making authentic(and in my case as a church musician) sacred music. He and I are in this so deep. I dont really know what I would do if he told me this was the truth. On one level I would appreciate it so much. For at the end of the day, he is my dearest friend and we have been through so much together. At the very least, it seems like it doesnt happen very often(once every couple of weeks) I keep thinking when he gets older, perhaps it will go away( he is younger than I). Many of the gay men I know over 50 start desiring women. It doesnt matter to me if he is gay or bi as long as he is loyal or could grow loyalty with age. Our sex life doesnt seem so unusual to me as we have been together in this for 5 years- he does desire me, he does enjoy me. He is very affectionate- he really loves having me in his arms when we sleep and when we are alone. I also feel like he spends too much time alone with porn so that deflects it some. I do know for sure he has real sexual issues as he was very sexual when younger and there is little place for that growing up Muslim. But he is not muslim now. I think all of this, every conflict is part of his confusion and anxiety. Question is what do i do now for seemingly he is incapable of ever telling me- we have seen 3 therapists, all women, who say they believe he is not lying to me.(although they cant be sure) But ofcourse, no one understands the dark side like musicians do!Not saying gay is necessarily dark side but it surely would be for a Muslim raised man who is devoted to his family. Most of the men I know are gay- most of the men I have loved have had that tendency. Dont get me started!! Anyway, there is no doubt this man loves me. And we both really want to grow old together. Do I get out now before I bring him here and that will destroy us both? Or bring him to America and possibly let him destroy me.....or maybe he wont? I know you cant answer this but I sure hope you can continue to shed light with your very clear thinking. You are very helpful Elliot- I really appreciate the ways you continue to shed light on this. It speaks to me deeply.
Dear friend,

You seem to almost accept that he is gay. He has changed less than you think. His culture is still within him and informs who he is.

I'm sure he is loyal and kind and loving and affectionate and he loves you. He does not seem to desire you however, from what you say.

If he comes here he will not be able to hide his identity from everyone, even if you are in gotham. This may humiliate you.

I do not think that most gay men change, so that should not be something that you count on, IF he is gay.

He uses porn a great deal. Is it gay or straight or mixed?

I think porn is very destructive. Hetero porn demeans women, and gives men twisted ideas about sex and women. It also lowers their vitality because it not only brainwashes them but lowers their libido boy spilling seed and reaching orgasm.

It cuts out the middleman (really the woman).

You have a dilemma.

Flip a coin and see where it lands. If you like the answer, go with it. If you don't, then don't go with it. It is one way to look inside you with the mere flip of a coin.

You have to keep thinking about this. What does the music sound like in your head?

BTW, I once performed my eclectic music as St. John the Divine uptown as part of a world peace day of some kind.

Warm regards,

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Ha!! Interesting-that is my favorite church! You are quite an interesting fellow and in years past I would have loved to get to know you and your music better. Where were you 10 years ago before I swore off getting close to musicians, singers of any kind and started choosing feminine mediteranean men to fall for!! Even better, I appreciate having you on this service,Elliot-you have really helped me. That is until you said flip a coin!! Flip a coin??!! Come on!! The music in my head sounds like Charles Ives meets Wagner-chaos!! We have bought a house together-we are family to each other. No I dont think he is gay- for the first three years he was an amazing lover to me. And still is, but not in the same ways nor in ways that I think satisfy him( although he disagrees). i do wonder if he is bisexual though. And I am an extremely private person(am with so many people in my work)-if he were involved in anyway with any one else in my world, I would be beyond humiliated. And as far as porn goes, obviously I dont like it either but I cant expect him to be so far away and have no outlet for his sexuality.Obviously I prefer he choose porn over a real person or relaltionship. As I continue to ponder this, what suggestions do you have for me regarding these moments here and there when i hear in voice he has i think, betrayed me? I so dont want to talk to him or hear his voice like this-how do I handle it?

Flipping a coin can be a powerful tool for indecision, not to decide the answer, but to help a person to determine what they really want to do. Many people get the toss that they do NOT want and then realize what they really want.

Think about it.

I know now how you want the coin to fall. You will stay with him and do your best not to hear the voice. Perhaps having some music playing in the background might help mask the subtleties of his voice change. May I suggest Der Ring des Nibelungen.

You want this relationship and are willing accept him as he is, I believe.

So try to accept how he may be, and pick opportune times to call.

I don't know how else you can deal with this and be content.

Warm regards,

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

thanks so much Elliot but seemingly there are still no clear answers for me. If I toss a coin, I will not be satisfied either way. I will keep tossing the coin for hours!! i will not find peace until i catch him and can prove he is lying and or/cheating or not. Until i know confidently if this is related to his mental health issues or not, i will never find peace. Seemingly over time he is getting less careful with covering up whatever this is-I guess for now, I just need to make peace with the fact i will not find peace until i know for sure what the truth is. And i guess i should stall immigration process until i do. Thanks again for helping me- Can imagine you find it frustrating for me not to be able to make a decision. Please know that your time and wisdom are not wasted on me- process is extremely important to me. I value all the sage advice and skill you offer-far more than necessary on a service like this. I will continue to reach out as this progresses,if you are willing to continue to walk with me through the stages of my decision making process. If not, I certainly understand as clearly there are no easy answers for me here. Obviously do what you can to delete all this please. In the meantime, all the best to you! And by the way, dont stop making your music just because professionally you are a therapist!(mothballed studio) Matter of fact, I would think changing professions would inspire your creativity even more!!. Now the pressure is off of you to make a living with art(which is an awful pressure, believe me, I know) so now you are free to compose and sing,just for the joy of doing so!! Take care

Dear friend,

I was hoping for more than a pat on the head for all of the time I spent with you, letting other work go by.

I wish you great success.

Warm regards,

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Oh so its money you want
- so sorry- thought you were really interested in helping someone. Please pass my questions by in the future to another therapist- I dont have any money for you. return this back and i will give you final rating

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