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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Hi, i think that i have a big lack on confidence, i just dont

Customer Question

Hi, i think that i have a big lack on confidence, i just dont like myself, i dont like my look, i dont like me because i know that there's something wrong with me. I dont go out anymore because people bullied me when i was young and til the age of 19 i was bullied. Im a small girl, tiny, i look young too.

I dont know whats wrong with me, i feel like ive grow up like this.. i have a bad luck or something.

I just dont go out anymore, im really sensitive as a person. I also hate myself for the fact that im 21 years old and i had the most horrible boyfriends in my life...i met the most horribles douchebags. Im not trying to be dramatic, ive tried everything but i just need help.

Guys thinks im pretty, well i feel very empty, like something is wrong in me. People keep judging me on the way i look sometimes or they make annoying comments. Im not happy.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.

Deardebra : It is very hard to have self confidence when you have been bulled.
Deardebra : After so many years of being bullied it is difficult to understand why anyone could make a person feel different.
Deardebra : Everyone has different qualities. But some times people are very hard on themselves.
Deardebra : I want you right now to focus on just one thing you like about yourself.
Deardebra : This is what you need to focus on.
Deardebra : You need to look at everything that is different about you and embrace it.
Deardebra : people will always judge but you need to always be yourself.
Deardebra : I dont want you thinkinh something is wrong with you. I feel you just havent found ghe right people who accept you for you.
Deardebra : I want you to grab a peice of paper and a pen and writede h down every quality that you like about yourself. I also want you to include hobbies and also what you feel uyou want to do as a career. I want you to see that you have a special gift.
Deardebra : This is what I want you to find. Everyone has a cretain talent that some times they don't even realize they have.
Deardebra : You want to find that gift that talent. Everyone needs something that takes them away from the problems they face.
Deardebra : You need to rebuild confidence in yourself and the only way to do that is to understand who you are and the qualities that you have as a person.
Deardebra : You said you do not like how you look. I want you to find something you like about your look. It can be how you dress, it can be your eyes. I also want you to imagine what you feel you would change about yourself that you feel would help you be more confident.
Deardebra : I want you to know that everyone is special in their own way. If someone puts you down just look at it as they do not feel good about themselves, so they choose to put others down in order to cover up how they feel.
Deardebra : People should always be making be feel good about themselves by being positive and uplifting.
Deardebra : You want to surround yourslef with positive people who accept you for you. If people are always putting you down you start to believe there is something wrong with you. But I want you to know that if someone is buyllu
Deardebra : bullying you then they are the the ones with the problem. They are just masking how they feel inside. It is so people do not know how they feel about themsleves.
Deardebra : If someone says something negative, I want you to say something positive back. This catches people off guard.
Deardebra : They will not know what to say.
Deardebra : People will be suprised how well you handle yourself that you can take a negative comment and turn it arounnd into a positive.
Customer :

hi thank you

Customer :

for you answer

Deardebra : I also want you to write down the things you like about yourself to build confidence. I want you to know you are special in many ways you just have to discover them.
Deardebra : ou welcome
Customer :

I love my face, my eyes (here's the thing i start to have wrinkles i hate it... its ruining my fresh look)... i love my hair, my stomach, my legs, i love my smile, my lips, my skin. I love the fact that people appreciate me and sometimes i make people smiles or laugh, but at the same time, i dont like it because it makes me feel like im too innocent, witch is not the case... Actually i dont like my face cuz too many times because tought i was too kind or too angelic. I have that angelic look and its not suiting with my personnality.

Customer :

I dont like my height, being tiny, im too skinny, i cant even wear dresses, i tried to gain weight but i cant, im always wearing hoodies or ugly jeans, i have to put tight under my jeans because im too skinny. Im too small, i dont feel mature physically... and thats why i hate my look, cuz i cant gain a pound. Sorry if i sound negative, its been years that i think that way of myself and thats why i dont live my life to the fullest. I wish i can look mature for my age, people pickin on me because of it. I dont like makeup, girlie things, i love my natural look at the same time. Its just not easy to accept myself.

Customer :

I wish i could not try to look mature everytime... i hate making effort to change myself... but i have too... So yeah as you can see i love myself if im only with myself but i hate my look when im confronting people because i look different. I think i have a great personnality, im outgoing but because i have been bullied a lot... i start to think that what is inside of me doesnt interest people. Im always judge on the cover, witch is hard.

Deardebra : I agree that it is hard to be judge all the time, but only you should be the judge of yourself.
Deardebra : You have qualities which you like about yourself which is good. You mentioned that you like jeans and sweatshirts. That is ok to dress how you want and you should not be judge for that either. Not everyone likes make up and likes to be girlie girl. You need to always be yourself.
Deardebra : You want to alwyas be yourself even though people judge you. You have to be confident with who you are as a person. You can not gain weight, but that is ok because that is who you are. you are thin. You mentioned wrinkles as people get older I feel that wrinkles tell a lot about ones face. You can always telll when someone was happy through their life because they have what I call a permanant smile
Deardebra : You should not feel like you are different from other people. You need to see those things you think are negative as things that make you who you are.
Customer :

Thank you i will try that but its hard sometimes because ive been bullied almost 15 years and for a reason i dont get is why i got bring down that much. Even if i try to accept myself, i always feel like the other females are better than me. My ex boyfriend went with another girl and i feel so bad now. Its because i feel like my personnality wasn't good at all with him. I feel like she's more interesting than me, better than me because each guy i met cheated on me or left me.

Customer :

And guys that i met dont really like that because im skinny, they prefer a girl with meat. Sorry but all thoses things that ive said are the mains reasons for the way i feel.

Deardebra :

I understand what you are saying, but there is always that one person who accept you for who you are. You said guys don't like that you are skinny. I feel you have not met the right guy for you. If someone cheats on you it is not your fault it was their loss because they lost a relationship they should have given a chance.

Deardebra :

No one is better than any one, everyone is different in their own way. You need to look through someone else's eyes, I am sure that there is someone out there that you know wants to be just like you.

Deardebra :

None of this is your fault, there are guys that don't cheat.

Deardebra :

I want you to really think about what type of guy you want to date and do not settle for anything less. You are worth it and you need to see that someone will love you for you.

Deardebra :

Please accept my answer. Thank you.

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