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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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my husband was supposed to meet me at home depot yesterday

Resolved Question:

my husband was supposed to meet me at home depot yesterday to buy a generator for the upcoming storm. he put it off, showed up late from work and didn't even call me as a courtesy to say he was being late. He went late at night and by the time he got there, they were closed.
Now, today, he said he wEnt to home depot and came home and said he doesn't want to buy anything because he doesn't want to lift it, or buy gas for it.
Having a generator tonight is important to me because dueto my health problems, any length of time without heat is not good for my health.
I even told him he can return it if we don't need it or even take it out of the car. Is he being controlling, as he usually is and am I unreasonable?
He was blustery and talked about shopping for comparisons. Comparisons are great, but I would like to have it now for the storm? If we don't need it, it can be returned.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 4 years ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I don't think you're being unreasonable but it does sound as though he doesn't seem to understand how important it is to you and for your health and how you rely on this.
You say that you suspect he's being unreasonable, perhaps you could express to him how hurt you feel that he didn't show up yesterday and how disappointed you feel by these recent actions. Not calling you when you were expecting him to be there sounds very dismissive - I'm sorry for the way he has left you feeling, it really doesn't sound nice at all and I can hear that it's really upsetting you.
I'm not getting a sense of controlling behavior on this occasion but more dismissive and disrespectful behavior towards you, almost as though he doesn't seem to care about how you might feel about him not making an effort to bring a generator home.

I hope this is helping, do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.

Please if you will, kindly take a second to accept my answer if my response has been helpful, however please don't hesitate to come back to me if you need any further clarification. If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you very much.Dismissive and disrespectful is correct.I took it as a form of control.Do you think that's a possibility?
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 4 years ago.
Hi there,

If he's actually consciously being dismissive and disrespectful - on a regular basis, then it could be perceived as a form of control - so you're not wrong there at all and he's it is a possibility. Many forms of abusive behavior (emotional and psychological are forms of control).

I'm just sorry for way you have been treated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thanks for response and empathy Karin.My therapist believes (through my experiences) that my husband may have cluster B personality disorder. Often disrespectful, blustery, directive and behaves with a dominant style.I am not skilled enough to know which behaviors are conscious, cultural, or driven by a disorder or some insecurities.
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 4 years ago.
No problem at all, that's what I'm here for.
I'm glad it's helping. It must hard to understand his different personality traits, but at least you're trying to understand.
It however, doesn't take away from how it leaves you feeling.
Kind regards,
Karin Samms and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you