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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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For the last five months Ive been in a romantic relationship

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For the last five months I've been in a romantic relationship with a woman was already in a relationship with someone. She was ending her previous relationship, we came together and started having essentially and affair while her other relationship ended. We talked about EVERYTHING together. Made plans for a future. When it came time for her to finally end her other relationship, He finally changed back into the man she fell in love with. Still, I waited.
She wasn't sure what she wanted. WHO she wanted. She's gotten back together with him twice now, and neither time she broke up with him did I get the full and open chance to be with her. He's gotten chances again and again.
Now,s he's finally decided that she wants BOTH of us. I'm ok with all aspects of a pol relationship EXCEPT for those involving sex. For her to be physically intimate with another man, even one I like as a person, is very difficult for me to live through. But I love this woman so much. I know her affection for me is entirely genuine.
Instead of having her all to myself, my only option to have her at all is to share her. She won't leave him, despite the issues they had and the fact she was :finished" with him months ago.
So, is there a way I could ever live in this situation? He has a low sex drive. Both her and I share the same sort of level. And I can't believe I'd even consider this. But her so much and the thought of losing her forever, that she never gave me a chance, is tearing me apart in a very terrible way. I can't tell what's worse, walking away or giving this a try?

I can't figure out what to do. Her having sex with another man hurts, but I was able to be intimate with her when we first began everything, BEFORE we realized we were in love. For me, she stopped being intimate with him. But the rules have changed again.
Is it possible for someone mono at heart to live in this situation?

Welcome back. I am so sorry this is going on. I understand how much you love her and want to be with her, but personally I think you deserve so much more. I do not think it is worth for you to put yourself through this. Yes, the pain of leaving will hurt very badly and will take some time to get past, but you know what you WILL get past it in time even though it seems impossible. This is because you are stuck in this love triangle. You need to free yourself in order to be able to live again. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and only you. She may seem like the perfect girl for you or your soul mate, but if this were true then she would want only you. Sometimes we need to step back and look at it from the outside since our vision can become blurred when we are within. I think it is best for you to spend 2 years of pain getting over her (which would probably be less)than a lifetime of happiness with someone who truly loves you rather than a lifetime of pain and heartache. Sharing her will bring a whole new set of hurt and pain that you are not aware of right now. In my opinion you deserve better someone that will want only you.

Please let me know if I can be of further help. I wish you all the best in your decision.
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