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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I separated from my husband 6 months ago and became involved

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I separated from my husband 6 months ago and became involved with another man. We have had a very intimate relationship and he loves me deeply. I left my husband because we had grown apart over the past two years and barely connected in the few months before I left. I have two children 17, 19 my dilemma is that I am not sure what to do. My husband dearly wants to push reset button and start again. I met him to talk it was like slipping back in to an old pair of slippers comfortable and easy but there was no spark. I walked away from a lot beautiful home, wonderful family life. My husband is a nice man fun and well liked. The other man I have a great connection with and the spark is still strong. I am really confused and need neutral advice.

I understand how difficult this must be for you. Relationships take work and usually in the beginning the "spark" is alive. It is after months or years when the spark can die down and leave us feeling like we need more. This is because daily life sets in and if both individuals do not work at it is almost impossible for the spark to remain or come back. However, the relationship changes to a new phase of closeness and intimacy, but sometimes when daily life takes over we can let our relationship slip away. This new relationship may be wonderful, but also needs to be worked on by both of you in order for it to continue long term. At this point it is best you look within yourself to see if the love is there for your husband. If the love is there and you feel you want to make it work on your part then you need to speak to him to see if he feels the same. However, if you feel no desire to get back into that situation and you feel as if you have already moved on and happy with this new man then that is where you need to be. There would be no reason to go back due to guilt or comfort. Try and separate the reasons you would want to go back and the reasons you would want to stay with this new person. Also, try and figure out the difference of your feelings and what is healthy for you in order to find a balance that will help you to come to the best decision for your life.

I wish you the best and please let me know if I can be of further help.
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