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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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me and my ex splite for no real reason a few months ago we

Customer Question

me and my ex splite for no real reason a few months ago we still get on really well and we started sein a bit of each other she started to come over a bit. we make love and laugh and joke and enjoy each other and she says she still loves me but doesnt no what she wants.i dont no how to go about things as i love her to bits help please
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 4 years ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. She sounds as though she's not sure what she wants but when she's with you, she's able to forget the things that made her split with you in the first place - is that right?

I'm sure you've probably already done this but worth asking if you've talked to her calmly and without any level of pressure. I wonder if she's had a huge seed of doubt in herself that has created this level of detachment from you. Sometimes when we get too close and are uncertain about how things are going or how we feel about others, we retreat and distance ourselves - do you think she could have done this initially and now its hard for her to go back on things too quickly and needs space and time to reconnect?

Your physical connection remains which demonstrates that she still has this level of feeling for you and still finds you attractive and wants to be with you hence I wonder whether somewhere she has struggled with her emotions (this may not necessarily be about you but her own fears).

Could you have another talk with her, try and find a way to connect on an emotional level. Take her out somewhere for a coffee and discuss things in a neutral space. Another option might be to write her a letter and express exactly how you feel within it, convey your thoughts and offer her reassurance that you will be there for her no matter what her fears may be. Explain that you will give her space and time - but be aware, you also need to decide how long you are willing to wait. Setting some kind of time scale allows her and you a sense of a goal towards which you can both work together.
Try to continue being patient. You've come across as patient already so this is good, but one thing I'm concerned about is if you are making love as this could complicate her thoughts and feelings for you too - so keep an eye on this for now.

I hope this is helping, do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.

Please if you will, kindly take a second to accept my answer if my response has been helpful, however please don't hesitate to come back to me if you need any further clarification. If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question.

My best wishes to you and I hope you both can get through this together.

Kindest Regards, Karin

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 4 years ago.
Hi there,

Just touching base with you and wondering how you got on with my response. Did you make any final decisions or are you reflecting on things?

I hope all is well with you; you know where I am if you need further assistance or support, just put "Hi Karin.." at the start of any new questions and I will do my best to help you :)

If you will, kindly take a second to rate my response to you, we only get credited after you have done this.

Take care, Karin