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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Long term questions, my girlfriend of two years got really

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Long term questions, my girlfriend of two years got really drunk, brought a guy home and f****** him in the bed we sleep together in, her son rated her out to me, and she threw him out. She is a binge drinker. I am having trouble believing she won't do this again. She is eleven years younger than I am. Furthermore, she flirts with other guys all the time when we are out and ignores me and tells me not to worry that she goes home with me. Our sex life is great. I'm not sure if I should marry her or leave her. Please help me. Dave

I would be very concerned. The fact she cheated in the bed you both sleep in is something consider delaying the marriage for, but on top of that she flirts with guys and tells you not to worry as well. This is not good because she is not respecting you or your relationship with her. Yes, she comes home with you, but is still disrespecting you and cheated on you. I would not marry her until she changes this behavior and if she does not think it is a problem then that is even more worrisome because there is very little hope for change. Since she cheated she would also need to have patience in order to not get upset of you question her. She needs to be able to prove herself and show herself trustworthy. This needs to be not only through words, but most importantly through actions. On top of all of this she is a binge drinker and her son is knowing about her sexual business. This is all something to consider when deciding if you want to spend your life with this woman.

Please let me know if I can be of further help and I wish you the best in your decision.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX been very helpful. Additionally, her son has told me she has cheated on every guy she has been with. She blamed me for cheating and her drinking to excess. I am not a drinker and have been there when she is drunk and has tried to commit suicide, she is also very abusive to me when she is drinking and says she doesn't remember the next day. What should I do when she is like that? Do I walk away and leave her? Should I just end the relationship and look for someone better?

It is my pleasure to help. It sounds like she needs help. Regardless of if you stay with her or not since you have been with her so long and have feelings for her I think you should encourage her to get help for her drinking. Maybe you can help get her into a program or even counseling. Overall, she is also going to want to change this as well. You can help someone, but they need to take there steps after that. Plus the fact she says she wants to commit suicide is very serious and I would look into mental health counseling for her.

I would not leave her when she is like that, but I would plan what you want to do in regards XXXXX XXXXX with her. If you want to leave then you should help her get into help and let her know you are leaving and why. It would be best not to say it during a drinking moment since things will be worse at that time. It is really your choice if you want to leave or not, but I could imagine how difficult staying would be since besides the drinking she does not look interested in changing her ways with men especially since her son says she cheats on everyone. Make your decision first, let her know at the right time them regardless of your decision simultaneously help and encourage her to get professional help. I think this is the best thing you can do for her and yourself.

I wish you well.

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