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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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My girlfriend of four years and I are on the verge of breaking

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My girlfriend of four years and I are on the verge of breaking up. She is very confused and the situation is complicated. More or less she got bored of where we are at, and stopped trying to keep the relationship going because of how hard she has tried in the past. She feels like she has cared too much, and had to stop caring. Weve had numerous relationship talks that have ended with us decided it call it quits, but we are still together to an extent.

I dont want it to end, but I dont know how to fix it. I love her very much, but she doesnt love me as much anymore. When I try to give her space, she hasnt let me go too far, but im afraid it will happen for good. Its draining. I want to be with her but I dont know how to approach this. Im afraid to set up a date night because Im not sure how interested she is in keeping this going. I know she loves me, and had told me she is interested in having my children since our problems started. Is she testing me? How do I go about saving my relationship?

I understand what you are saying. It is a difficult situation. I would not say she is testing you, but women do like to feel loved and cared for. They like it to be shown to that. What she is feeling does happen when people feel they have tried a lot and may have not gotten the responses they wanted they can tend to get tired. However, based on everything you explained she does seem to care and not ready to let you go fully. You both have invested a lot of time and love into the relationship at this point. If you are thinking about a date night I think that may be a good idea, but not so much a date so to speak, but more like a casual time together. At this point all of this is still new and she even since told you she loves you and wants your children. Your best bet at this point would be to not worry so much and take things slowly. Enjoy the time you both spend together and see where it goes without expectations then go from there. Lots of communication is important and let her know since this is what she wants it is important to let you know how much space and time together she wants. Show her you are willing to give her the space she needs and also want to spend time together as long as she is comfortable with it.

Please let me know if I can be of further help and I wish you the best.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

thank you for your response. i want to communicate but when the conversation of our relationship arises the dialouge breaks down tremendously. I thought we agreed to part ways, so i gathered my belonging, and she said we can work it out, but in a sad way. she then told me shed like me to spend the night. i was very confused because until that night, things seemed better. i tried to give her space but i think it was too much. she told me she missed me, and i disappeared for days. things are very awkward right now, but im supposed to see her tonight. should i try to talk? why is she being so confusing? and why hasnt she let me go? does sge care more than she says? and is this healthy or are we hurting eachother

I think she does care and may have mixed emotions about the situation as well as being confused. I understand that it is award, but sometimes just forgetting the talking a little bit and instead focusing on the moment and enjoying the time together will allow things to progress naturally as well as opening the lines of communication. I would say enjoy your time tonight and see how that goes. Dont worry so much about "the talk" then go from there. Of course soon there will be a time you both need to discuss what is next if things do not progress naturally, but I would wait a little then talk. You know her well, so you will see the right time to discuss things in order for you both to be on the same page.

Have a wonderful time tonight. Try not to worry, but enjoy it. Her wanting to see you is a very good sign in itself.
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