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BillLCSW
BillLCSW, LCSW, MFT Treating Couples for 35 years
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3707
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker MF Therapist
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I am with my boyfriend almost 3 years. He is 6 years younger

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I am with my boyfriend almost 3 years. He is 6 years younger than me and from Germany (we live in my home town, Dublin, Ireland). I will be 38 in March and as is the case with most women my age, am getting anxious about having children and settling down generally. The problem is, whilst we live together and have had great times together, he never discusses the future and shows no sign of being anywhere near making a commitment. He complains a lot about being away from home and not liking everything about Ireland. I have suggested in the past that we move to Germany but wasn't prepared to do this. He is hard to talk to and I don't know if he intends staying or going or where I stand. In recent months I've got resentful and our sex life has suffered. Last night I threatened to end the relationship as I feel he is stringing me along. I asked him if he wants to split, he said he doesn't know. I was hurt he was no more definite that he wants to stay together. What do I do? I love him and wonder if I am pushing him away but I want to be assertive and feel I am at an age where I need some assurance and can't just drift along aimlessly and lose more precious time... what should i do?

BillLCSW :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

BillLCSW :

I am sorry to hear about this.

BillLCSW :

From what you have written- and the length of time that you have been together- it is clearly time that you set some firm limits of expectations of what you want for yourself.

BillLCSW :

I see nothing in what you have written that suggests he is ready to commit and therefore- you are in a holding pattern. If , in your gut you sense that he is not ready-- trust this feeling and do not hesitate to communicate your wants desires and aspirations for the relationship.

BillLCSW :

If he is not ready - this will be a loss and grieving process for you but you have every right to have your needs met and with 35 years of working with couples- I don't have a sense that he is doing anything to further the relationship than that which you already see.

BillLCSW :

If you have additional questions for me, feel free to ask-

BillLCSW :

I suggest that you read the following and use it as a guide to help you.

BillLCSW and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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