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I am in my 40s and recently (1 month ago) met a man on an

I am in my 40's...
I am in my 40's and recently (1 month ago) met a man on an online dating site. We live in different states with a 1 hour difference in time zones. Im in Eastern and he's Central. We both have alot of physical attration toward one another and started out emailing and have progressed to some phone calls recently. He originally gave me his number, but said if I liked it better, he could call me which he has done. I work from home and he works and has recently started attending school and has evening classes just about every day except weekends. From the beginning I could tell he had a very tight schedule and many times he would try to call me after school when I was falling asleep. He has even tried to call me while he was driving. I would be willing to do whatever it takes to develop a relationship with this guy. He is so sweet, respectful, great sense of humor and someone I feel that I really "click" with and I also am very physically attracted to him. This doesnt happen for me often to be both physically attracted to someone and to love their personality as well. As I stated, we started off emailing and he always answered and seemed genuinely happy to be getting to know me. We have been speaking by phone for a couple weeks and I absolutely love him over the phone. Here is my problem: He has not called me for 5 days. He had been calling about 3 days a week. I know for a fact that he has a very busy scedule between working and classes, however I am wondering why I havent heard from him. I have read dating advice articles that say never appear desperate or like you are chasing a man. I dont want to appear like that because I really like this guy. On our last conversation, he was asking if we would be able to see each other in person and asking if i'd ever met anyone on the site and actually got to meet them. He said that alot of people probably lie about things. He wanted me to text him right then and there a picture of myself which I didnt want to do because the camera on my phone is bad and Im not photogenic! He has a few photos of me that are good but look slightly touched up because I had to have them brightened. I do want to mention that I am a very attractive woman. I do not mean to sound vain. Its just a fact. I have no doubt that if he saw me in person that he would like me. I felt on our last conversation he sounded insecure and I was wondering if it had anything to do with that football player incident with the fake online woman. I dont know what to do now. I dont want to seem pushy, desperate or like I'm hounding him, but I really dont know if he's busy, talking to someone else or what. It doesnt matter to me if it takes a bit more effort because of his schedule, time zone issues or whatever. I also have a camera on my computer that I havent mentioned to him. I want to know why I havent heard from him but dont want to bug him. I dont know if I should just call him, email and ask or what. I did send him 1 new pic on Sunday and Sunday night he emailed and thanked me and said he liked it and said he'd try to call the next day, but its been 2 and a half days and I havent heard from him. I appreciate your feedback. I really do like this guy. I dont know what to do.
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Answered in 28 minutes by:
1/30/2013
psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6,893
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I would suggest that you ignore the rules and the concerns you anticipate and go for it. You have nothing to lose and staying silent and I would suggest to make an opportunity to really seek him out. I am not saying to overwhelm him with communications but there is no harm in showing him that you like him. You should however be cautious. Don't go too far. You should however reach out via computer or phone If he has shown that he likes you there is no reason to wait with baited breath any longer. Find a neutral way to communication and what you plan to say and go for it
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

thank you for your advice. I kind of knew that I probably should have been a bit bolder. There are a few things you mentioned that were not that clear to me. when you say dont go too far what do you mean? and do yo think calling him would look too pushy? He did initially ask me to give him a call though and I was shy so he did. Also you said to find a neutral way to communication. What do you mean by that? Also what do you mean when you said "really seek him out".

By going too far I mean that you don't want to appear too assertive because you want it to be a give and take relationship. I don't think calling him is too pushy. You want to appear interested but not needy. He may find it flattering. By seeking him out you want to show that you like him and not worry that you appear assertive. Invite him to something and see where it goes.
psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6,893
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Category: Relationship
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