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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Hi Alicia. well for a while there i was super zombieish on

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Hi Alicia. well for a while there i was super zombieish on 300MG seroquel and noticed better results when the dose was reduced by the doctor... but it turns out my moods become more swingy and I start to ruminate more... especially about the Spaniard. Sue me I fell in love w/ a hooker, what can I do? It's hard to erase her from thought... I mean I could get super doped up on Seroquel and forget about her completely, but forget about everything else in the process as well. She's in Vegas, I feel the urge to go see her. I feel like given my mental instabilities and clinginess this is not gonna end well. Sigh, life is so damn weird. BTW am I allowed to get drunk on Seroquel/Lithium/Effexor? Cmon don't give me the politically correct answer just tell me will it kill me or not? I can balance it out with water! Also, surely oral sex w/o a condom with a prostitute is safe, right? RIGHT? Cmon I've done it before and didn't suffer any complications.

Man I have this empty feeling in my gut... it's related to her. This is so stupid. Why did I become so emotionally attached? I guess I was so thirsty and she met me at a really weird time in my life and now has become incorporated into my psyche. or something like that. I've felt so lonely for so long, I'm not sure if it's ever gonna change. Perhaps socially and aesthetically I'm a normal person, but mentally I'm not... and actually socially I'm probably very weird simply because well.. I'm bipolar.

My mind feels so obsessed about this subject to the point that I disregard that fact that if I keep this up for a few more years I will fall behind in LIFE. Right now I'm financially stable but if I keep dicking off eventually I'm gonna start feeling some pain. I'm not focused on building a life until this empty feeling I feel in my gut/core is alleviated... she can dot hat

Oh Spaniard please marry me :'(
Hi, I am a Moderator for this topic. I sent your requested Professional a message to follow up with you here, when she is back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.
Hi again,

I'm glad you've stayed in touch. Now, first of all, it's not a good idea to get drunk - or drink at all - while you're on any medication. Especially with the lithium, because you are running the risk of increasing negative side effects. You can probably have a drink or two, but I'm discouraging that, even...I would still try to avoid it if possible. And that goes for the sex issue. You know what you're getting yourself in to, and sure, people do it all the time, but do you really want to put yourself in such a risky situation? Obviously, if you're going to do it, using a condom is better than using nothing at all.

I don't know why you have this emotional connection with her, but she's still a person, even though she has this "job" - so it's not weird if you do feel attached to her - maybe there is something about her - on a personal level - that you feel you can relate to. Or maybe she appeals to you because deep down you know she's unattainable and therefore "safe". Just throwing out these ideas at you as usual, you can take them or leave them, of course, but the obsessive thoughts are making her seem bigger than she actually is. It's possible that you just need to see her to get it out of your system, one way or the other. But just remember that it's a temporary fix, she probably will make you feel better in the short term, but in the long run, no one can fix that empty feeling underneath it all but you. I'm not saying that's easy, and some people always have that persistent aching feeling that never goes away. You just have to try to moderate things as much as you can (obviously, that's usually impossible when you are having mania, but just in terms of the things you can control - the alcohol, the risky sex) and try to build up your social network with friends (as I know we've talked about before.) But just take it easy and don't go overboard if you do see her, because I know you've been thinking about her for a long time.

Let me know how it goes - best wishes to you.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Cmon... we're jus talking about no condom for oral sex!! I mean, oral sex with a condom, jeez... I'd rather watch porn.


this beautiful precious whore seems like her value to me is existential. allow me to elaborate.

for years as I wandered this empty world, with a poor social network and lack of meaningful relationships, questions began to arise when it came to me and women. Am I inept? unattractive physically? lack personality? simply unlucky? lack charisma? As these questions consumed my thoughts I began to decline as far as productivity. I dropped out of college even, due to this and depression. I wondered if I was depressed due to this issue or something underlying. Then there was a time.. while manic, where these questions disappeared, I was brimming with euphoria and confidence. I became absolutely convinced that the past was simply due to bad luck and I can change it. I felt more appealing, more attractive. And for some reason, people started complimenting me more during this phase. So many people called me handsome. Before when they called me handsome I didn't believe it and thought they were just being nice. Now it just stroked my ego.


But the confidence eventually wore down, probably around te time I came to this site... because during the whole span, I never found what I was looking for. oddly enough sometimes when I was out amongst my peers and women, and observed some guys and their girlfriends, I never felt jealous. it's as if I wanted something more... some ideal beautiful relationship with perfect love and synergy/chemsitry with a BEAUTIFUL woman. I sometimes imagined traveling the world with said women, enjoying life... some odd fantassies.


Ayway, as the confidence waned, I came among this whore. Who I began to love once I started to think she loved me. Of course, her being a whore and me at times having to pay for her "not to work" created more existential questions. It almost felt as if this was the first time someone had loved me. Love only matters when it's from both sides. In the past I had loved some, thought they had loved me, only to come to the realization eventually that I was just fooling myself.


With this whore, I still haven't been fooled, but there's doubts... and it feels like I'm close to the breaking point. I'm 24.. I feel old, I'm not as young as the number. To feel empty for so long is just... not natural. and if this whore turns out not to love me, yet again I'll feel that horrible feeling in my gut of never having experienced mutual romantic love. At this point it would become tormenting and painful. Like a cruel joke for me to be so gullible Maybe I am.


I have almost everything except this it feels like. I have cats (lol), I have my immediate family, I have my friends, in my dad's business I can start making 500K a year in 2-3 years... it seems like everything is there, yet some people wonder why sometimes I'm blue and unmotivated.


It's because of THIS!!! I JUT WANNA BE LOVED ALICIA :'( ... even if by a WHORE :'(


is't it beautiful? :)

I know - I hear you, trust me (on the first part) but it is part of my job to remind you to be responsible :)

But you see, part of what you're saying in the first half of your message (if I am hearing you correctly) is that because your attitude about yourself and toward other changed, people started responding to you more positively and you started feeling better about yourself. Okay - I also hear what you're saying in that you became discouraged because you didn't find what you were looking for - but do you think there's something to be said, at least partly, for finding what you want internally, instead of externally? I know that is easier said than done, but there's some truth to it. There's also truth to what you're saying, in that you have high values and ideals for the woman you want to be with - and there's nothing wrong with that. You just have to make sure that they're not so high that no woman in the world could live up to them. Just don't set yourself up for disappointment with the Spaniard here - I'm not saying it's not possible for things to work out, because anything is theoretically possible, but the balance of power in your relationship with her isn't equal - and that's not a good basis for any relationship. But again, maybe there's part of you that's looking for that. Now keep in mind - you might feel old but you're "only" 24 - you have your whole life ahead of you, so what's the rush? Why not just try to relax and enjoy life a little more and stop being so hard on yourself? You deserve to have some fun - especially since a lot of the other things other people need to worry about are taken care of... but that's another conversation, because that might also be part of the problem, no? If things come too easily, maybe you feel like there's nothing left to work for?

Anyway - chin up :) Eventually, things do have a way of working out, and a lot of people your age (and older) feel the way you're feeling now. Hang in there.

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