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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5838
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Kate, I hope you are well today. I met with a therapist

Customer Question

Kate,
I hope you are well today. I met with a therapist yesterday. He seemed ok, which surprised me having not so great experiences with finding a good one in my area.
Some comments he made were that my husbands behaviors were passive aggressive, deliberate, hostile and that he is denying my experiences of his behavior. He said its ok to do his own thing, but not at the expense of the marriage. What struck me hard was when he said he is not interested in emotional connection with
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
Hi Dee, I'm doing great, thank you! It's nice to talk with you again.

I'm glad you had a good experience with your new therapist. He sounds very insightful.

When a relationship changes like yours did, some of the issues that were able to be pushed aside or ignored before suddenly become noticeable. When you became ill, what probably was already there in your marriage came out. What caused it to come out is not clear. Some of the possibilities are that it was already there and because of your busy lives, you didn't notice, or your husband developed these problems after your illness in a reaction to what occurred with you (which is not your fault, it is just how he handles what happened) or there are other unknown factors that brought the situation to where it is now.

What is key, however, is that your husband is treating you badly. He has a choice in how he reacts to your illness, and he chose to treat you poorly. No marriage is guaranteed to be perfect. One person can become ill or develop an emotional problem. Wants and needs vary with each partner throughout the marriage. And how each person reacts to what happens says a lot about who they are. Unfortunately your husband chose to hurt you rather than help you, which in turn has made your marriage difficult.

Your husband also has a choice in how he reacts to your increased needs. There are plenty of partners who have to care for very ill spouses. While it is not ideal, it does not make them become cruel or emotionally distant. What your husband is doing is caused by what is inside him, not by what you have done or not done.

Kate
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you Kate. Very well said and I am very happy I received your clarification. although it made me cry, I feel less responsible for his behaviors. great insight
I am fortunate to be able to receive your opinions as they always seem to help.
Good day
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
You're welcome, Dee! That was very kind of you to say. I'm glad to help. Take care and I'll talk with you soon.

Kate