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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I broke up with my partner a few weeks ago. I love her to bits

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I broke up with my partner a few weeks ago. I love her to bits and can't get her of my mind, i'm willing to do anything to get one last chance. I've reglected her and i never took the time to show her how much i care.
Things are hard as she is a vegan and rather stubben, I have realised that she couldn't be happy with me as i was not happy with myself, things at the moment are ok between us and we are on talking terms when it comes to me picking up my stuff. i will be seeing her on Tuesday and i was wondering if there is anything that i could say or do to show her i do care and i will make her happy. I know i can make her happy and i've had chances in the past. she thinks that i want marrage and kids but with past things that has happened in my like i don't want kids and i feel marrage is a way of trapping people. i know that if i could get my foot back in the door i will make her happy now that i know what it is i need to change about myself. the changes are personal changes that i need to do for myself and not her although this whole experances has shown me how much i do need to change and stop being complacent. we are both lazy and we need to motavite one another but we can do it as we have done so in the past. we both work silly hours and never got to see one another but as both of us are changeing shifts we can see more of one another and do more stuff and for us to do that i just need to get my foot in the door. to be able to say something as i walk through the door. I would love to walk through the door hold her and give her a kiss and say i'm sorry for leaving, i shouldn't of done it and just talked to her and told her how i was feeling but i'm not very good with words and talking about how i feel and have taken steps already to see someone to help me. the fact of the mater is the only way i can make her happy at the moment is by walking out of the door and saying goodbye. i know she still loves me but she says love just isn't enough and that we would both be happier apart. fact of the matter is i'm only happy when i'm with here, its been like that since day one. i know deep down she wants us to work as well but she is the stubbenest person i've ever met and thats one of her qualitys. i would love to be able to say something or do something that makes her full back into my arms and gives me one last shot at making her happy but the truth of the mater is i don't know what to say and i want her to drop the resistance that she holds and has worked out in her head and let me have a chance to make it work between us again. she even told me that when we are alone we are amazing. please help me. i'm not after an easy ride with her, i want to work at it but i don't know how. i sent her a letter, i don't know if she has read it or not just to say goodbye and i want her to be happy, look after herself and i will always love her. this women has gave me so much and i have taken alot. it does take two to make this work and i'm wanting to make the first step. i've gone out and got a hair cut, tidyed myself up as i'm allways a mess and this is one of the reasons why she couldn't of been happy with me. i just need some advise on if i should let her go and try and move on or if there is something i can say or do to show her that i do truely love her and am willing to do anything to make this work.
if you can help me on this you would fix my heart and hopefully help a couple get back on with happyness. we planed to do so much together this year before buying a house next year. we have been together for 3 and a half years with one split up a year and a half ago. i know her biggest fear at the moment is getting hurt again. i can't say this to her, i do really need to show this but need to get my foot in the door to show her that i wont hurt her and will do everything in my power to make her happy again. you should see her smile :-) it warms you up and sends a shiver down my spin every time and i have to say that all the time we have been together i#ve loved her more and more each day
Hello. There is not one magic thing that you can say or do to make everything better. What you can do is talk to her, face to face, not text and tell her everything you said here. If he thinks you are needy, but expressing your feelings, that is not very kind on her part. Everything you said about being happy with yourself before you can make her happy is 100% correct. Explain this to her and how you feel. Honesty and being up front with all of your feelings is the only thing you can and should do at this point. What do you have to lose and what do you have to gain? You have to be able to be yourself and be able to be open about everything to the person you care about. You should not have to or want to fake anything. You need to ask HER if there is anything you can do to make this work. You should not be afraid to say these things to her.
If you feel you aren't very good with words, you can write all of your feelings down and give her the letter. I think you did a pretty good job explaining your feelings in this forum, I don't see why you can't say these things to her.
If you are looking for one thing to change things and make them all perfect, that is impossible. Only by identifying the issues and obstacles in front of both of you and moving ahead to work on them together, as a team, is the only way you are going to be able to get a level of relationship back. If you are on talking terms with her, this is a good thing. Take this opportunity to talk through the things which are the factors in your breakup. It's the only way you are going to be able to have hope in getting things back.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

what about if she doesn't want to listern because her stubben side is telling her that its best to walk away. and that she has told her self so manytimes that she is happyier without me or that i will be happier with out her?

You can't control what she does, you can only control what you do and say. That's why you have to tell her everything. If she does end up walking away, you would have at the very least expressed yourself to the fullest and never held any of your feelings back. If you do, then you will always wonder if things would have been different. You have nothing to lose by telling her the truth. Her decision will be her decision. All you can do is what you can do. You can't force her to be with you or to try the relationship again if she truly does not want to. What you can do is tell your side of it and why you think it can work. There is nothing you can do to make her give this another chance, there just isn't. You have to put it all on the table and hope for the best. You can't go back in time, you can't change anything that has already happened, you can only do your best for the future. If she sees your efforts of trying to make things work, hopefully she will want to meet you half way and try to work on things and give it another go.
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