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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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After suffering a devastating bereavement, then finishing a

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After suffering a devastating bereavement, then finishing a very long relationship, I felt
lonely and lost confidence, so was pleased to start meeting more people again including an old colleague (platonic male friend). However, a new-ish woman friend has started 'muscling in', asking for email adres/s & tel.nos. & making arrangements in front of me but not actually including me in the conversation, until I joined in! The man of course just thinks she's very nice. Am I being 'over sensitive'/possessive/insecure or am I just old-fashioned in thinking other people's friends are not 'yours' as well until you've known each other for a while? The
irony is she criticises any of her acquaintances I might meet (behind their back). I don't want to lose any friendships unecessarily, but am not an entire pushover either!

jenhelant :

Hi, Friendships do take time to build and can not happen overnight, but there is nothing wrong with meeting people through others. Realationships can be built like that. However, I do not think the fact that she talks about others behind their back is a good sign. I believe each situation needs to be looked at on a case by case basis. There may be people you would like to befriend and others no. I do not think that you are feeling overly jealous because her actions is probably what showed this. It could very well be concerning or she could very well be nice. I would see where it goes then go from there accordingly. There is already two negative signs that she kind of squeezed her way in ignoring you and talking bad behind her aquaintances back, so it would be a good idea to keep an eye out. We have the opportunity to choose our friends.


Hello, jenhelant ! I would like to reply , but a long-awaited workman has just turned up. May I call


you back in about an hour's time ? Thanks

jenhelant :

I can switch this to question and answer than we can chat through email.

jenhelant :

That way it wll alert each of us when we respond to each other. Does that sound good?

jenhelant :

You may have gone. I will switch it now, but don't you worry we can still continue through email. I am looking forward. Thanks

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Sorry to get back to you so late. Was happy with your reply, but would like to know if I can/should say say anything ?

Hi, No problem!

I would not say anything at this point. I would react as you feel appropriate and see how your friend reacts. It is best you see how he reacts on his own. As for the lady if you feel she is not someone true to start a friendship with I would just take it with a grain of salt. See how things progress and say something if you see fit in the future. I believe your male friend will see for himself the true personality of this lady.

I wish you well and please let me know if I can be of further help.
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