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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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My 16 year old daughter has been in a relationship for 20 months

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My 16 year old daughter has been in a relationship for 20 months now, she is sweet and loving and gives it her all, but it seems that every other week she is in tears because her boyfriend is not talking to her or ignoring her, and he won't tell he why, he doesn't communicate with her very well, he is a hard working kid, good head on his shoulders but doesn't know how to treat her, I want to say something to him but should I or but out?
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

Please give me a moment while I read through your question carefully and prepare an excellent answer for you. I shall respond very soon. Regards, Karin
Hi there again,

I'm sorry that your daughter is experiencing this. She seems to not be taking it very well at all and I can see why it's so hurtful. She doesn't know where she stands with this guy and it can't be easy for you to try and stand back and let her make her own mistakes. If you were to say something it could make matters worse in that he may feel "what's it do with the mom?!"

You may be better off, as you have been doing, by trying to help your daughter assert herself. You could help her by thinking of strategies and ways to say things, standing in front of a mirror and getting her to practice some dialogue is not unheard of - even with adults who are learning to be more confident and assertive. What do you think? Your daughter may need support and you are clearly providing this for her, so well done, she's lucky to have a mom that cares enough about her and is trying to support her in learning to build her own confidence and self esteem.

These are unfortunately, lessons people have to learn when it comes to relationships and she's learning it much sooner than perhaps others might need to.

If you were to ask for the types of things she could say, it wouldn't be unusual to suggest things on the lines of: "your behavior is very on and off with me, I'm wondering what the problem is.., are you done with this relationship? Are you getting cold feet?" Or perhaps "it really hurts me when you blow hot and cold, why do you do this? Can you tell me so I can perhaps help you and we can try and work it out together?, don't keep me out, I'm not a stranger, I'm here for you, so just let me in.." Finally in terms of how he treats her, she could say something like "you know, I can only put up with this kind of behavior for so long, my mom has taught me to not let anyone treat me bad or with disrespect, please tell me you're not going to do this to me, if this continues then I will have to reconsider where this relationship is going"
How do you think that sounds? Obviously these are my frame of words, but you can adapt or your daughter can, to what feels more like her and how she might say things.

I hope this response was helpful, however please don't hesitate to come back to me if you need any further clarification. If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further.
Kind regards, Karin

Karin Samms and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Hi Customer,
Just touching base with you and wondering how you got on with my response. Did your daughter make any decisions or perhaps you are reflecting on things?
Anyhow, I hope all is well with you; you know where I am if you need further assistance or support, just put "Hi Karin.." at the start of any new questions and I will do my best to help you :)
Take care, Karin