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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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I just need advice and dont want this online anywhere, please.

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I just need advice and don't want this online anywhere, please. Haven't even thought of dating in years due to past relationship. Guy at work looks at me (he's shy so it used to be look, look away, look back) but has gotten to where he will just look in my eyes without looking away, he has started lighting up when he sees me and his face is one big smile (I don't think he knows he's doing it), his eyebrows do that wierd lift thing and his eyes change colors from bright blue to dark blue with the different looks I get from him. I've even see him looking for me where he thinks I should be. I know that he has tried to talk to me a couple times but I didn't realize it until it was too late. He even let out a long sigh once when he was looking at me and hed didn't say anything so I started the conversation. I say hi when I see him and smile but it always stops there. What is he thinking? He is just too shy to do anything, not interested enough to push it further....I'm confused as to how to act around him.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm uncertain what you mean by "don't want this online anywhere, please" perhaps you could clarify further?
In terms of his non-verbal behavior, it certainly comes across as he's thinking about you and perhaps is too shy to do anything about it. Sometimes guys will wait until they are totally sure that you're interested too. Maybe he likes you from a distance and because he is shy, he too, struggles with taking that approach of asking you out. Are you attracted to him? Would you be interested in going for a coffee with him?
It certainly seems that he may be a little shy and doesn't know how to go about the next step.
Smiling will only get you both to first stage, if you truly feel something for him perhaps you could consider what the next step could be...?

Good luck in whatever you decide to do, it sounds exciting but tread carefully and keep your wits about you!
I hope this response was helpful, however please don't hesitate to come back to me if you need any further clarification. If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further.
Best wishes, Karin :)
Hi there,
On further reading of your question, I felt I wanted to offer more in terms of strategies for you and how you could act around him. I wouldn't want to offer anything less than the best service to you; I hope this is acceptable to you.

If you are keen on him, it would be about trying to strike up conversations with him - are you aware of anything he's interested in, in terms of his hobbies? If you knew of such interests, you could use this to your advantage, Facebook might be a way that you might share mutual friends and becoming 'friends' could be one way of taking things one step further. On this note, you too, seem to be making eyes at him or certainly being quite aware of his actions (forgive me for being a little upfront here, but how would you know he is doing all of these things if you weren't also keeping tabs on him...?)
It seems that you may want to bite the bullet and give some signals back - that's if you would like to pursue something with him. It felt as though you may have been searching for some kind of response on how to deal with your emotions too, forgive me if I have this incorrect. I just thought that I'd offer something more extensive to you.
I hope this response has been helpful, however please don't hesitate to come back to me if you need any further clarification. If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further.
Kind regards, Karin
Karin Samms and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Yes, I'm not sure what to do or whether he's sending signals that it's ok too. He's the first guy in years I've thought about breaking my no dating rule for (and he overhead me tell someone I don't date....I didn't know he was on the otherside of the cube wall or I wouldn't have said it when they asked why I never married). He's very difficult to read and is incredibly shy and private so he may mean nothing by the things he does. He told me once that it was 9 yrs before he talked to anyone and now only talks to 6 people or so (out of 500). I kinda pushed him into talking to me, every now and then, when he was in my area...his dept was moved in July and I thought I wouldn't see him anymore and he'd forget about me but he'd come down and find me but I didn't think he was looking for me so I blew him off. He knows I come in his area at certain times and appears to look for me because I run into him alot in the hallways. He got really angry at me once and I asked for it and I told him I wouldn't bother him and although he went out of his way to say I could, I still try to not bother him so when he comes around, I say hi and keep going so not to bother him. He does light up when I'm around but I think he's waiting for me to say something because he has opened his mouth to speak, but I always, in not trying to bother him, put my head down and walk off and I see out of the corner of my eyes that he shuts his mouth and walks off. We are an awful lot alike in that we are very private and shy people and don't bother anyone unless it's ok. And I know how weird that sounds because I'm not saying it right. I just don't want to push him for something he's not wanting to give. And, because it's at work, I don't want to embarrass him in anyway. I know what I see, but he's so hard to read, I just don't know if he means anything by it.

Hi there,

I would be delighted to continue assisting you, however if you will, could you kindly take a second to rate my service. The question will not close and I will continue to support your requests on this question. In the meantime I will prepare my response.

Kind regards, Karin
Hi there again,

Thank you for your rating!

You do both sound alike from what you're saying. He does seem as though he wants to talk to you too. I'm wondering how you might feel about writing him a letter? You could say within it that you would be keen to meet up and just have a coffee..? Could that be an option for you? It might eliminate these strange, awkward yet full of unsaid tension between you both.

You could then ask him more when and if you felt comfortable in doing so, whether he has feelings for you or whether he would like to take things further and that despite your 'no dating' rule, you would give it a go with him and take things slowly?

I am getting a sense of unspoken chemistry and sexual tension (I may be wrong!) and hence this could carry on until one of you decides perhaps, that the other simply isn't interested and moved on feeling and thinking "I wonder what could have been...?" Do you know what I mean?
You've put a fair bit of effort and energies into not doing anything, maybe it's time to do something about that. ..

My best wishes to you and good luck in whatever you choose to do, it seems doing nothing isn't achieving anything but I totally acknowledge you have your reservations too.

Take care, Karin
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks for your answer. It's just been so long since in was in "girl world" so to speak, I wasn't sure if what I was seeing was real or whether that's normal and he was just being nice which I don't think he's that kind of person because when I first started coming around, he wouldn't speak period and I asked a couple people what I'd done and they said nothing, he doesn't talk to anyone, just ignore him. It took me a long time to get him to speak and I had to go in his area every night. I finally left him a note saying I was sorry that I irritated him so much and wouldn't come around anymore until he was gone. And I did but he caught me one night and we talked it over, actually I think he practiced what he wanted to say because I couldn't keep up with him because he jumped around in his conversation so much and he was nicer after that and one day I got up the courage to thank him for listening and for changing. He works at my second job so before they moved him, I got 2-3 seconds with him and that's it.....kinda hard to leave much of any impression in that short of time. Anyway, I think I just needed a little verification that my thinking that one of us would give up was a very real possibility. He has always made me start the conversation but carried it once it was started. But after what happened, I just stopped everything and I just ignored him for so long, he'd look, but I'd just stay focused on what I was doing and not acknowledge that I even saw him. When I finally decided maybe it was ok to say hi, he lit up and said a very shy hi back and that's where it's stayed for the last 1-1 1/2 mos. I had convinced myself that he hated me until he saw me in pain once (I didn't know he had come in where I was) and when I heard the door shutting, I opened my eyes and turned around and he was really struggling with what he should do. I've never forgotten the look on his face or his desperation to see back in where I was. But, see, that's him......He didn't know whether to speak or he played it safe and didn't. I'm sorry. I just meant to thank you and have written a book! The only time I tried to talk to someone about him they told me he's not interested and quit wasting my time. And, maybe they were right.....he's a very challenging person to figure out. Thanks for listening.

You are very welcome. Your feelings needed validation and I believe you need to do that with this guy too. You've not had anyone to talk about this with who has really actively listened and offered something productive - possibly because they're all a bit involved and close to the situation too?
I'm here if you need further support or any extra questions responded to, just write "For Karin.." at the start of your question and I will endeavour to offer you only the best support I possibly can.
Regarding the guy and his unpredictable, shy behaviour. He seems able to continue a conversation, just struggles to initiate it - this sometimes happens and I wouldn't worry too much about it until you really need to. You've clearly had interactions with him in the past and so some history with him exists, it's just about taking it the next stage - if you wish to do so. Please don't hesitate to come back, you know where I am and please don't apologise for writing this- it's cathartic in itself, don't you think? :)
Kind Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

No, I won't write anymore but thanks, again, for listening. In thinking it over, It just seems like we're both waiting for the other to do something and in the process might end up missing out on something kinda special because we're afraid the other one will say no. And, looking back, I can see in his own awkward way, he's had the courage to try and I didn't respond because I didn't know what he was doing so maybe it's my turn to get over what happened and have the same courage.

No problem at all, good luck in moving things along.
Kind regards, Karin :)

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