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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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My question is my ex-boyfriend of almost 5 years came over

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My question is my ex-boyfriend of almost 5 years came over December 30, 2012 and prior s I told him I am not  looking for a friends with benefits arrangement and he agreed and say he has been with anyone in 8 months, so we end up having sex after he told me he still love me. During sex, he asked if my female body part was his, and I said yes. My question does this mean we are in a relationship and if not how do I approach him about it because for me sex equals relationship.

A relationship is a commitment and two people have to be willing to make that commitment. You have known each other for a long time and it sounds like he is looking to get back together. He was honest about nite being with someone for eight months. He is basically saying he wants to be with you. He had made a sexual comment basically saying do you want to be exclusive with just him. I would talk too him about starting over together. Take your time and get to know each other. You were both intimate and I feel this is where you with will want to have a committed relationship.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

well he said he had not been with anyone in 8 months. I told him that has the same amount if time I have been single and non -active as well. i wanted to know when i do see him again..should i ask him what is looking for in regards XXXXX XXXXX? and just take it from there. I already asked why did he choose to come over and spend time with me and says he still love me.

He says he still loves you. This is him being open and honest with his feeling. This is a second chance for you both. I feel you both should move forward together. I would start by spending time together. You both know each other well. I feel that you have this fresh new start. He is putting himself out there by telling you hierarchies he feels. I wiukd ask him if you both could start together again in a relationship with one another.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks..I will ask him the next time I see him. The last time we tried to make this work I nagged him alot and accused him of seeing someone else when we were not in a relationship. I will let you know what happens with that.

It is very important in a relationship that is starting over where the problems came from. You just admitted that you ragged a lot. This is good you know problems that were in the relationship. The reason why you nagged was because you loved him and you didn't want to lose him. You emotions took over. Thus is very normal when you truly care about someone. People often pull away when they feel these intense feeling out of fear of a broken heart.
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