We wrote back and forth a little bit in 2010 about my relationship with my boyfriend. I have thought about our conversations many times since then and the other day I was going through some paperwork and found a printout of them. Your emails were point on and so helpful. However, for reasons I'm still trying to understand, I ended up marrying him on 11/11/11...and left him on 11/30/12.
I didn't want to label it as emotional abuse, denial I guess, but now believe it to be. And living together I guess brings it more to the surface. He would tell me what to wear and pout if I didn't do it. He told me I do stupid circle talk and that he can't follow my conversations. I use fragmented sentences and long pregnated pauses. He would roll his eyes at me often in frustration and disgust. He was very volatile and angry. It was like walking on eggshells and of course when I brought any of it to his attention, he would turn it around to where it was my fault. I'm too sensitive, I overreact, etc. He would say things and deny he said them. Ex. I was telling him one night that I needed some really warm socks because my feet are so cold at night...and he said he'd been meaning to talk to me about that...that he would like me to dress sexier at night. (We had a 19 year old in the house.) I got teary eyed and he went off on me about how he can't talk to me because I get upset. Later, in counseling, he denied ever saying that. He also told me that he doesn't like my hair up because my neck is unattractive. He even said that in front of the counselor.
I could go on and on. I started seeing a female counselor in September and she has helped me tremendously, but I value your opinion as a male and as someone with great insight.
The first few weeks were okay...everything fell into place as if it was meant to be. One of the things I'm struggling with I think is how I left. Because of my fear of him, I had friends help me move while he was at work and I texted him later. He has been texting me continuously since, and has started seeing the marriage counselor we saw on his own. (The counselor by the way, told him he was full of himself and condescending.) Anyway, he is making it appear that he is making big strides, having revelations, etc. I really don't know that he can change at 53, and with his behavior being a pattern in all of his relationships...son, work, wifes. I'm trying to understand what I'm feeling and if it's normal. I know I made the right decision, but why am I hesitating to flat out tell him that I'm done. I hate that I've hurt him but know I can't live like that. He has a way of making me question myself. And of course now that things have settled down a little with my new apartment, a little bit of lonliness is setting in.
One more thing...he had kicked my son out without discussing it with me. Long story, but Jerry grabbed my son (19) and my son swung at him...totally unlike him. Jerry told him he was no longer welcome, was going to call the cops, turned off his phone, changed the garage code, etc. Awful! Needless to say, that has put a huge strain on our relationship.
Should I give him a chance to change or am I being naive?