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My boyfriend stays in contact with an ex girlfriend of his.

his ex is currently pregnant...
My boyfriend stays in contact with an ex girlfriend of his. his ex is currently pregnant with a different mans child and has ended her relationship with the babies dad. Now this woman is contacting Jim all the time with her problems. He is making arrangements to meet with her and texts her all hours day or night if he cant get in touch with me and complains to her about me not making myself available to him. she sent provocative pictures of herself to him in a bra and panties. I want to request that he ends his relationship with her. am I being a jealous girlfriend or should my radar be going off? jim makes the copies of his conversations with sue available for my viewing.they are on his facebook msgs. they are in plain sight so he thinks he is being open and honest with me about their relationship..I am hurt and confused. i am 16 and he is 18
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Answered in 2 hours by:
12/14/2012
Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
Verified
Hi, I'm Alicia. Thanks for asking your question - I'm happy to help you today.

I can understand why you would be concerned about this, and I don't think you're just acting like the jealous girlfriend. To me, it makes sense that you would be feeling jealous, and I think anyone in your situation would feel the same way. While it's not necessarily weird that your boyfriend stays in contact with the ex (lots of people maintain friendships with their exes, even though it can be difficult for the current relationship), it is weird - and unacceptable - that they are texting at all hours of the night. And it is also unacceptable that she is sending such suggestive photos to him as well. I don't think you are out of line if you ask him to stop this behavior or to end their contact. It's not fair to you at all, even if the conversations are available to you or he thinks he's being an open book. There's nothing wrong with them being friendly, but what they are doing goes way over the line of simply being friends. I can see that she might feel like she needs support because she's pregnant, maybe she doesn't have anyone else she feels she can talk to - but then she needs to find other sources of support. You need to be the priority in his life, because you are his girlfriend now, it's not the other way around. And I see that you've told him it bothers you and he replies by saying you can't control who he speaks to - that part is true. You can't control who he speaks to, but you also don't have to stand for it either, especially if their interactions make you feel uncomfortable. I don't want to say that you need to give him an ultimatum, but he needs to know the effect this is having on you, and realize that it can't continue if he wants your relationship to last. It's not an easy situation, but you have a right to feel the way you feel, and he should respect that.

I wish you lots of luck. Please let me know if you have any further questions.
Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
Verified
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

my dad is an alcoholic my mom and dad seperated 6 montHS aGO I LIVE WITH HER .MY DAD IS A BINGE DRINKER VERY SUCCESFUL CAREER. MOM IS THINKING OF MOVING BACK . I DONT TRUST THAT HE WILL STAY SOBER. I AM 16 AND DONT WANT TO MOVE BACK. ALL THEY USED TO DO IS FIGHT. I DONT KNOW HOW TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAD.

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