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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5824
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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they allways watching me, what I do, where I look, if I like

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they allways watching me, what I do, where I look, if I like this person or another, In an beginning they like'd me but now doing all this I dont now anymore. what to for them to back of and respect me as a person. also co-orworks tell the boss anything I say to them.
I am sorry to hear this.

Are you looking for legal information or more about how to work things out at work?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I am looking for to work things at work. For them to be on my side. maybe I give bad body language, maybe I stair to much, give them the impression that I want to flirt. And I am being scan all this time. they are checking me out to see what kind of person that I am.. What I know is I am a good person. Better then them.

I will move this to a different list so an expert in this area can assist you.

I am a lawyer and so cannot help.

Please do not reply back as that will delay the question from moving over.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your co workers are not giving you a fair chance to be part of the group at work. If they are playing games like that, it makes it difficult to know how to act so you can be included. That often happens in groups, especially at places like work where there is a sort of "click" sometimes. That is, people tend to stick together and exclude others they don't feel they want to "accept" into the group. It can be very difficult to cope with and makes it hard to do your job.

What you can do is try to be friendly when you do see these people. Smile and say hello. Then keep your distance and focus on your job. Being friendly helps you appear open and most people cannot make a big deal out of someone being friendly. Face them and smile. Ignore them when they turn their backs to you. What they do is about them and not you. They are not acting in a mature way when they do those things. So ignore their behavior. They will get tired of doing it after a while when they see it doesn't work.

Also, focusing on your work will make your boss happy. Plus even if they wanted to let you into the group, it doesn't sound like a group that anyone would want to be a part of. They seem to exclude others and maybe even talk about them amongst themselves, which does not sound like a great group to be part of.

Try focusing on making friends and finding support outside of work, or even outside of your department at work. Join groups that you are interested in. Go out with other friends to meet new people. Open up your social circle through your interests. For example, if you like to work out, join a gym. That is a good way to meet others.

Also consider talking to a therapist. With what you have been through at work, you need support and someone on your side. A therapist can help you cope and you can learn ways to reduce your stress and connect to others. Talk to your doctor about a referral.

I hope this has helped you,

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!

TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5824
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

Thank you so much for the positive rating! I appreciate it.

My best to you,


Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Also the problem that I have is I dont know why to look at people, especialy at man. This is so embarasing but it is time to fix this problem that I have. So I wont'n have no one questioning me. I think all this problems cames with do way I look. Please help me. When I look at man especialy, if they are talking to me I stair at them I suppose to focus on what are they saying but no. I stair so much give them the impression that I want them to tell me they they like me or the other way aroung, I like them and give the wrong impression that I am flirt. Please help I need to fix this asap. Also I have anxiaty and depression, I what know what to do. I'd like to look like a normal person. What is your thought about this, can I fix?


Alexandra Da Silva

I would be more than happy to continue working with you on any new questions you have. All I ask is that you remember to rate my answers for each new/different question you ask. Let me know if this works for you. Thank you.

If it is ok with you that we continue, I will be back on line in the morning (it is late here) to answer your questions.


Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Yes, it is fine, and I will rate for answer each time.

thank you

Both of these issues can be dealt with. It just takes some changes in your thoughts and your behavior.

Staring at men so they notice you may just mean you are interested in men. Staring may bother them though because they don't know how to react. It can send a message that either you are interested in them, or you think there is something wrong with them. So they may not know how to take it. And trying to understand what they are saying by staring makes sense, though they may not understand that is why.

In order to deal with this behavior, it may help you to focus on listening to people (especially men) when they talk with you. Concentrate on what they are saying rather than what they look like when they are saying it. Think of it as a voice on a radio. That may help. And when they do talk with you, make eye contact then look away. Pick an object behind them or next to them to glance at. Then go from looking at them to looking at the object, spending a few seconds on each. That way, it does not seem you are staring at them as much as just paying attention.

Also, focus on your body language. To seem friendly, face them but have your body be at a slight angle. Just a little gives the impression your are interested, but not so focused that you become threatening.

For the anxiety and depression, it depends very much on the symptoms you have and if you have had treatment. If you have not seen a therapist yet, that might be a good place to start. You need to know what kind of anxiety and depression you have so you know how to treat it. Think of it like a physical issue. If you don't know what is causing the pain in your side, for example, you don't know if you should just take aspirin or if you need surgery. So you see a doctor to find out. A therapist can help you find a diagnosis and what treatment would work for you. But in the meanwhile, learning more about anxiety and depression can help a lot. By learning more, you can find ways to help yourself and also places to turn for help. You can use self help, on line support and/or therapy. Here are some resources to help:

If you feel you need more information, let me know.