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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Hello again.....so l havent contact my ex for 30 days... no

Customer Question

Hello again.....so l haven't contact my ex for 30 days... no calls ,no texts...nothing.....after those 30 days....he text me saying that l received a box on my name ....l said ok...thanx....and after couple of days l text him again asking him if he could leave that box out of the door to be able to pick it up....and he said that he doesn't mind to come and to give it to me....l said that l don't wanna disturb him anymore with my problems and he text me back saying that l don't disturb him at all!so he came and l also give him a Christmas present as l'll be gone in holiday next week....so he gave me a kiss on the chicks and he left...after 10 min he called me and he said that my present for him was exactly what he wanted for Christmas....a playstation game.....but today when l wanted to cook his favorite dessert....somone told me that he's with his gf in the house....so l though l wouldn't be a great ideea to send him the cake now....my question is what can l do next ...how should l make him want me back ?how can l win his trust without forcing him?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 4 years ago.
Hi,
Good to hear from you again. Sorry for the delay. It sounds like he was a little taken back by your resistance and you not contacting him. Seems he wanted you to know how he felt and make it a point to kiss you even on the cheek. These are all good signs, but it really is difficult to say how exactly he feels. Whether or not he is serious with his girlfriend we do not know. You have made lots of progress, so its tough to say if you would want to go back now. You have made your feelings clear before, so the best option was to take care of yourself or else it would have been worse for you staying in the position you were in last month. Since he showed some interest and even said you are not bothering him I would if you really want to get back with him is to try asking asking him out somewhere as friends. Decide something that you both like or maybe to eat, but I would suggest something where you both can have a good time doing like an activity together. This way you both will be having fun in action not needing to talk so deeply. Sometimes the best way to build the relationship is by spending time together and enjoying each others company rather than just stating what each wants and talking about feelings. This could remind him of the good times. Since you do not know if it is 100% true that he has a girlfriend nor if he does how serious then it would be up to him to turn your invitation down depending on how he is feeling for her and what he wants with you. So I think doing this will be a next good step since it will let you know if he is willing to go. That will give you a huge sign and then the both of you have a chance to have a good time together and maybe bring the spark back. However, just plan to go as friends, so it does not put pressure on either of you and you can not be let down.

Let me know what you think. I wish you the best with this.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know from someone who is living in the same house with my bf that he and that girl they see each other once in a month and everytime after he's seeing me....doing those little thinks to show him that l still wanna be with him ...wouldn't be a good ideea now...he's with her....l ' m falling into pieces every day....it hurts so much...to see that he doesn't care anymore!
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 4 years ago.
I understand. If you think its not a good idea and he does not want to than there may be nothing you can do at this point. The reason I mentioned to do that is because you can ask him as a friend. If he would want to hang out or not would depend if he is allowed to have friends in his relationship or not then you would be able to see if he is interested still. However, if you feel he is strong about his relationship then it may be time to forget about him completely, move on and just take care of yourself without the hope of getting back together. You can then find someone who wants to be with only you and loves you. I would try and not dwell on him and continue on the road you are. Stay active and do things that you may not have had time to do. Some healthy activities and hobbies. Even volunteering is a wonderful thing to do to help others and take your mind off of things. I may have told you this in the past already. But this is the best thing to be able to get passed someone. You already did it this long just continue on and truly time will heal the pain.