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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I found out my girlfriend cheated on me, i found emails between

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I found out my girlfriend cheated on me, i found emails between them and they were not nice, we had been together for 2 years before this and had really good times and memories. i asked her if she had cheated on me and she said no, then i showed her the emails and she broke down. i left. I came back and told her i wanted to know everything, she said they did not have sex, so i thought i could get over that. i emaild him and asked if they did and he said yes but i chose to believe her. after a year of trying to forgive and forget, we decide to move from new zealand to london and travel europe, we get to london and i start to loose clumps of my hair and something is not right, i tell her something is eating me inside and she confesses that they did have sex. Its on my mind every day and i think i over think what has happened between them. back then there was also phone calls late in the night when we were in bed together and they were guys, she answered and said she couldnt talk at the moment. i did not think she would have a 1 night stand with him. i understand her point of view, i am her first boyfrind and her first lover, i have had girlfriends before and i think its normal for people to want to experiment with other people. i was also away for a few weeks at the time with not much contact i was working. the fact that she didnt tell me when i found the emails hurts and the lie, i would not hav come to london if she told me the truth, i feel realy embarresed about what happened, i have done everything right in this realtionship and wanted to be the best boyfriend every, i put alot of effort into this and that happened. I still think about it everyday and cant get the mental pictures out of my head. i love her so much and want to forgive and forget but its so hard. i need some help, i dont want to talk to anyone i know. this is effecting me alot as i am loosing my hair
Deardebra : What you are experiencing is trying to understand someone that loves you did what they did. It is natural to ask questions about what happened because you need to fully understand what went on in this situation. This is someone that you love who made a mistake. You need to heal and that takes time. She knows she made a mistake abduction she lied out of fear of losing you. You moved and started over together and that was a good step. Some times people get caught up in a wake moment and have regret for the rest of their lives. You forgave and moved forward with her. You love her that is very clear. But it takes time to heal from the hurt. There are stages where you feel hurt,angry,sad,confused. What you are feeling is normal. You both have to rebuild trust and start as though you first met. In order to fully move forward together you have to let go of the past. She did make a mistake and if she could she would have never made that mistake.
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II wanted to check in and see how you were doing. If you have anymore question I am here to answer them. Thank you.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I just signed in again after 2 years! i need ed to read your reply again. Its still on my mind. even though my hair grew back, i managed to slightly put it to the back of my thoughts but still have have days even after its about 5 years old. we are still together but it is still hard, sometimes i have to leave and get some fresh air. I hate her for what she did and I hate him. I really want to find him and hurt him. even though i know he is only a guy and was taking an opportunity that she gave him, but i want to teach him a lesson, i will never forgive how much hurt he caused inside my head,

and i will see him oneday. some of our friends are mutial. I am embarrised that i have let another man have the women i love, i sacrificed time with her so i could start a good career and provide the good things in life. My head feels like it is constantly pulsing and i cant fully concentrate on things. Am i to scared to take the risk of leaving her? I need to concentrate in my job, and i feel like i havnt been the same person for the last 5 years. After this much time it should have dissapated but its still there. how can i go on to trust and have a famly and maybe marrage if this is what its like after 5 years. I still want to go and hide, ive had the lowest of times through this . my head runs with thoughts of them together. the emails and phone calls. I want to make her suffer like i have. i want him to know how much pain hes made me feel.