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SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 220
Experience:  MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
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Hi, Ive been friends with someone for 24 years and weve had

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Hi, I've been friends with someone for 24 years and we've had an on and off sexual history most of that time but we've never been single at the same time. We are both now single, 10 weeks for him and 7 weeks for me and we are doing everything else except having sex. What does this mean?

I think what is means is that he just got out of a relationship and he may not be in the mood to have sex with not just you, but with anyone else. It could be because he is hurt, it could be because he is trying to figure out his new family is going to look since he and his child's mother is not together. Him wanting to spend time with you, may just mean that he wants to spend time with you right now as a friend. You have know each other for 24 years. He may want to spend positive time with someone that he knows and trust, but does not want to engage in a sexual relationship.

I think that it is really soon for him to want to jump back into a relationship and his head is more than likely not even thinking about being in a relationship right now. The best thing that you can do is be there for him, give him some time to get over it, and then revisit the situations and let him know your feelings after he has had time to heal. If you want something more, he may be willing to talk to you about moving forward once he has gotten over his feelings and numbness for his ex.

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

That sounds right. He was never faithful to his ex, they were together 15 years. But he said he feels like the stuffing has been knocked out of him now she's ended it. We had a 10 month fling behind his ex's back 4 years ago and i fell for him then. I've felt the same way about him for 4 years so do i wait or date others? I don't want to be a stepping stone. I'm assuming he has feelings there to share what we share or does it work differently for a man?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

so do i wait or date others? He was with his ex 15 years and never faithful. 4 years ago we had a 10 month fling until i rented his house off him to move in with her properly. The affair stopped when he lived with her but we remained friends.
I still feel the same way about him but I don't really want to be a stepping stone yet don't want to neglect him either. Am i reading too much in to the fact that he falls asleep in my arms? Does it mean anything to him when i lay there stroking his bare skin until we fall asleep. It means that we're bonding even deeper to me.

I think that you should be is friend. I think that it is positive when he wants to do other things with you aside from just having sex. I think that he shows a sign of him having a deeper friendship because he is just not spending time with you for sex. Its a good sign.

However it is hard to say if he is bonding with you over a relationship level or just a friend level. I think that all that can be said right now is that he wants to spend time with you and that you are making him feel better about his situation. I would put the relationship talk on the back burner for now and continue to just be there for him. He may see that a great person and friend that you are, and want to take you up on a relationship. Which is better that he see it as oppose to you talking about it.

I do not know about dating other people. It is up to you. You have to think that if he never comes around or if it takes him years to come around, do you really want to put your dating life on hold for that. I would say date other people, because right now you know for a fact he is not ready for a relationship. The fact that you are dating other people. (Just dating). Is not going to deter him from a relationship with you when he is ready, if he gets ready. But if you do not date and it does not work out, with him or he does not come around then you may resent him, and it can ruin your friendship.

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