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SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 220
Experience:  MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
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can I get some light on a situation . I have been having a hard time getting over someone saying things about my looks after intimacy. I feel so affected by it.

Yes I can understand your concerns. The thing is when we care about someone and when we share ourselves with them, we consider it a special moment and we do not want to feel criticized. I think first your have to realize that this person was wrong for what they said. If they love and care about you then the last thing they should want to do is say something about your looks after you have been together. It is disrespectful to say the least.

Also understand that not one's body is perfect. We all have imperfections. Therefore, try not to let it affect you too much. No one's looks are perfect, no one's body is perfect. Not matter how skinny, they are or how much they work out, there is always something that could be better. With that being said. Intimacy is not about looking for the imperfections. It is about being together with someone you care about and enjoying that moment. You should try expressing this to the person that you were intimate about. Let them know they it hurt your feelings, it is possible that they meant not harm by it and they may care about you just the way you are. If they don't then perhaps you should evaluate weather this person is for you. Because as we grow older looks changed, and they should love the inside of you, and not just the out.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Oh they hate me and expressing all that trust got me no where with them. They are not in my life but I still think about all the time. I made a wrong choice by being intimate with them. Because I would never do that with someone I wasn't attracted to so I figured others do the same. I never initiated any thing. It's just I wish I could get over it. I wish it diddnt affect me.
One thing that you have to keep telling yourself is that no one is perfect. Everyones has flaws. I understand that it affects you but you have to be fair to yourself and see yourself and being fine the way you are. If you allow everything that everyone says about you affect your mood, then you would have to start changing a lot of things about yourself. That is how people get low self esteem, because they think that they are not satisfied with themselves. One thing you have to start telling yourself everyday is that what that person said about you does not matter, and you are made to be just the way you are. Keep telling yourself that everyday, and then you will start to believe it. Because it is true. Do not allow someone that is not in your life affect your mood, you have to make the decision to tell yourself that what they think does not matter. And what you think about yourself does. Just like they did not like something about you, you will find someone that cares about you who does like everything think about your appearance.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know and that's just it. I'm super tough girl but once I'm intimate with someone then there opinion matters because I'm very selective. .... And I'm 36 and never have been wrong about a persons. Character. I was wrong this. Time. Well thanks for your help

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