Things have progressed quite rapidly since I last emailed you. The night before last I had a conversation with my husband that resulting in him saying that he didnt think things would work out and that he wanted to go. He said he regretted the sex on Saturday night because it gave me false hope. He wanted to sell the house but felt we could stay in the house together with everything the same except that he would move into the spare room and we would live like 'room mates'. I agreed.
I went to see a counsellor who had counselled us earlier in the year and also him on his own. Through this session I came to realise some things. Firstly that although I have behaved badly it is not all my fault, secondly he helped me to realise that some of Matt's previous patterns are repeating themselves this time, and thirdly helped me to consider what I should do. My options were to remain in the house as Matt suggested. Leave and move somewhere else or for him to move out. I decided that for me to stay would be too hard. I want to be his wife, not a room mate and I have been so stressed, traumatised and anxious these last two weeks. I want to keep myself calm and Im afraid staying will mean that the pressure will get to me and i will explode and I dont want to do that. I had thought that perhaps if we did stay in the house together he might realise I had changed and companionship might be the start of the rekindling of the relationship. I dont really believe this because him staying makes the transition really easy for him to start with, it also means that he would be on edge if I did anything that he might construe as me believing that we had a chance. So I discarded this option. The next option was that I move out. I felt that this would be extremely unfair considering that he wanted to leave, not me and that I also earn less than him making my options for another place very limited and also meaning that my daughter couldnt come with me if she wished due to the financial constraints.
So the only other option was to tell him to go. This would mean that he would have to face, really soon, what being separated really means. the loneliness, isolation, uncomfortableness of being away from his home, he has never lived alone before or being a single man since he was 19. I explained that he would have to pay maintenance, half the mortgage and also 50% of other expenses related to him. He was furious and left straight away to look for somewhere, threatening that he didnt know if he would be back that night. He did come back, not long after with rental info, a small 1 bedroom flat, which means my daughter cannot stay with him. he says this is a money issue. He was still angry, at a number of points he threatened things, like withdrawing offers of certain support and telling me I was pushing him further away by doing this. I still feel at peace with this decision but incredibly panicky that he will go out of my life forever and remain angry with me. i am actually hoping this move will draw him back at some point. He kept saying I 'wanted him out' and I corrected him every time by saying that no I didnt, I wanted the marriage to work and explaining why I had come to this decision to ask him to go. He said he accepted that but he still acted very angry.
Please can you advise me where to go from here. I know that contacting him will be a no no for a while. I will miss him terribly and it is difficult enough now and he hasnt gone yet. i hope I have made the right decision. I want to draw him back.