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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Im married and seeing a married man who seems to be losing

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I'm married and seeing a married man who seems to be losing interest. I love this man and would leave my husband in an instant for him. The problem is that I think he's losing interest but he says he's not. His actions say otherwise. Is he just hanging on for sex now and then and not interested in a relationship even as a friend? He says we will always be friends...I'm confused by his behavior.

If he is not done with his marriage that would lead someone to assume that your relationship is not what it is for you. We can't decide someone's motives for certain but actions are an indicator of what we really feel. Another indicator is that he is not done with his marriage as you are. This says that his heart probably lies with his wife and you serve another purpose. I would not knowing this waste anymore of your time. If he planned to leave that would be something else. You don't want this to mean more to you than him. You should want an equal relationship with mutual commitment. I would find out what purpose this serves for him. If he truly only wants a sexual relationship then you can make a decision based on that. If he is committed to his wife then you participate with an open mind. It is possible when both are married that this is simply sexual in nature. It is up to you whether an unequal commitment is worth your time. I would look at his behavior and his words combined to see if these equal a purely sexual intention.

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

We talked at length last night about each of our expectations. I told him I believe his heart is with his wife & he replied that it is not but he's not free to leave his marriage & he doesn't want me to jeopardise my marriage for some thing that isn't attainable. I point blank asked him if it was only about sex for him & he said no, it's also about the emotional connection although he recognized that part is not as strong for him as it is for me. I told him I didn't want to continue if I was going to be devastated in the end. He thinks its only a matter of time before it ends between us because he can't leave his marriage. He swears there has been no sex with his wife for over 10 years & there is no one else..I don't want to end it if there is hope for us & I feel there is. We have a huge physical & emotional connection. They have a 22 yr old son with asbergers syndrome & I suspect that has something to do with his inability to leave although I didn't think to ask that last night. I told him I want to continue & ill take my chances on a broken heart. He doesn't want to get caught. What does that mean?
If he isn't willing to leave then the other facts don't matter. You have his answer and now it' up to you to take this huge risk. If he is saying he won't leave nothing will change that. A disabled child can be a large part of this. At this point you are betting against the odds that this will work out. The fact that he worries about getting caught is enough to know that his heart is with his family. Sometimes we can believe what our heart tells us and not what our brain tells us. It may be guilt making him stay but he still is making himself clear.

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