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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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Ok here it goes, I met my bestfriend at the gym, it turns out

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Ok here it goes, I met my bestfriend at the gym, it turns out she was a younger sister of of one my buddies from back in junior high. She tells me had a huge crush on me, So we start talking then dating. I fell in love with her from the start. About a month into it she tells me she was back with her ex. I didnt like it but I valued her so much I told her I would be just happy being her friend. That was about 8 years ago and we have been friends since I go to family gatherings and shopping with her and her mom. During this time she has dated a few people as have I but their have been times when she will grab and hold my hand in a store, we have made out several times and one time I told her my mom was looking for an assistant and she should check it out she said What do I have in common with her, we went along looking at shoes and I heard her say loud enough for me to hear" I can im in love with your son and dont know how to tell him" I asked huh and she said oh nothing and other little things like that have happened. She starts dating her current fiance about 5 years ago but never seemed really in to him. He didnt like her seeing me so he made her stop, 0 calls answered nothing about 3 months into that she calls me and we have lunch and continue just being friends without him knowing it. Eventually he said it was ok and we didnt have to sneak around just to talk. On her Bday he asked her to marry him, i found out on FB 1st and it just killed me but I played happy for me and in a way was very happy for her. OK the past few months it seems like she has feelings for me, for instance we went to get fast food and started to have anxious feelings and she knows I have anxiety problems, she said I will give you a kiss on your mouth if you think it will help, I just played along and said im ok but I know she just wanted to kiss me! She has been saying that she wants mixed race babies as she and her man are both hispanic but im white. I asked if she meant half black she said no by a white guy dummy. Are these signs that something is their or am I making something out of nothing?

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating and overwhelming this situation must be for you. Your story read almost like a movie! The ending would be that she divorces this guy and the two of you get married, and then live happily ever after.

The movie might be possible. But there's one scene you can't leave out if there's any chance of getting to the happy ending: you're going to have to take the chance and find out what she really feels about you. And to do that, in every movie, the guy has to actually take the plunge and tell her about himself or she won't open up, right?

And that seems to have been the sticking point all along according to what you've written to me: you have done everything opposite or parallel to what you really feel. And, like in the movies, there is really no way for you to keep doing that, to keep playing it safe and ever know what she's hinting about or if she's actually even hinting anything to you.

I wish I could tell you it's a sure thing that she wants to run into your arms, etc. But there is no way to know for sure. You are going to have to take a chance and risk the embarrassment. But you can at least make it not totally embarrassing. You can present it to her that you care about her so much that you want to have a relationship with her no matter what, even if it is a lifelong friendship. But that you want her to know that you have had strong feelings about her. And then tell her that when she makes some comments you don't know how to interpret them. And you want to make sure you don't misinterpret her. But you also don't want to make sure you miss something if it's really there. So you're being honest with her. But you want to again affirm that being close is most important to you, even if as a friend.

Of course, like in the movies, it's taking a chance, but it's not as big a chance as if you just blurt out that you want her to be yours.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

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