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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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My 82 year-old mother and I are visiting my 4 1/2 year old

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My 82 year-old mother and I are visiting my 4 1/2 year old (Micah) and his mom at her house in California. My mother and I are staying at a separate hotel. I flew my mother from Hartford to DC and from there we flew out to California. I can only make it out her once a year and I try to stay 1 week when I come (as I am doing this time). Otherwise I visit Micah on webcam to chat with him. Our first full day together here went well and I had fun wrestling with my son, playing the Wii with everyone, and generally having a good time. We stayed from about 10am to 7:30pm for the first day. As we were leaving his mother (a neuropsychologist) asked me if my texting function on my phone was fixed. I said "yes." I thought no more of it. I check my phone several hours later and saw I had received a text from her that indicated she was unhappy with something I said while in front of my son (Micah). A text. Her point may have some validity. That's not what concerns me. What concerns me is that instead of talking to me face-to-face about this incident (which occurred in the middle of the day), she waited to text me a message after I left. After all, I only get out here once/year. I had no idea during our time together that she felt so strongly. Any thoughts on ways to handle this? Thanks.

Deardebra : The reason why she texts instead of talking face to face is I feel she doesn't know how to confront issues face to face.
Deardebra : She would rather tell you how she weeks through text to avoid confrontation. But she should feel comfortable enough to tell you hoe she weeks. You have a child together and you with are going to have times where you need to discuss things. Her testing and saying you said something wrong is fine because even though utter was through texts she did tell you how she felt. You wouldn't want her holding her feelings in that would make things worse. Right new this is how she communicates. How you changed this is you instead if answering her by text, you wait and answer her in person. ThIs will help her talk things out. She will then realize you are easy to talk with when it comes to parenting decisions.
Deardebra : She needs to just learn how to discuss things in a new way. I feel you can help her do this.
Deardebra : Not everyone is open about there feelings, sonera people can be shy, they can nite like confrontation,they might have been raised nite to speak up. There are many factors in why she us thevway she is.
Deardebra : This will be a but of a process to change how she communicates, but it is good she does tell you how she feels.
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