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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I am a Christian, previously married to a minister who was

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I am a Christian, previously married to a minister who was a fraudulent criminal- 9 years ago. I am now in a loving relationship (dating) and my boyfriend doesn't know how to deal with the fact I was married before. What is sound biblical advice?
I am also a Christian, so I thank you for giving me the opportunity to help. I have a question for you. Is your current boyfriend unable to deal with your previous marriage because he feels it is a sin to be with you since you are divorced or is it something else that is bothering him?

I will await your answer, so I can better answer your question.


Customer: replied 4 years ago.

That's a great question, Jennifer. No, I don't think that he thinks it's a sin, but his family might. He has a hard time thinking about me with another guy to the extent of marriage- and that I've had sex before.

I understand, Thanks for explaining and I appreciate the opportunity to help. I will give you advice two fold in case his family tries to influence him as well.

It may be difficult for him to deal with the fact that you had sex before especially if he has not. You did not say if he has or not, so I will assume he has not. However, if he has you can also use what I will say as well as let him realize that you are not holding that against him. In any case if he has never had sex it may be difficult for him to deal with the fact that you did all the more. Plus he probably loves you a lot and wants you only for him. The fact is that Jesus saves and forgives. You did not sin by having sex in your previous marriage. You were married and did what God wanted you to do. God allows sex in the marriage, so show him that even though it may bother him it was fine in God's eyes and you were doing your part as a wife. If you did not have sex then you would have not been doing your part as a wife to your husband at the time and that would be concerning. Also, Jesus forgives even prostitute, which of course you are not, but I am just making an extreme example for your boyfriend. Mary Magdalene was a prostitutes and forgiven by Jesus. Those sins were no longer held against her. The fact is we all have a past and even though it may bother your boyfriend I believe in time when you become his fully he will be able to get passed this. It will take sometime, but I would encourage you if you truly want to be with him to explain these examples to him as well as allow him to know how you feel for him and the past is the past. No one is perfect and it may even be difficult for him to find a virgin, but even if he did fine one it still would not be you the person he wants to be with. Also, there would be other issues with her that may be greater than the fact you had sex previously or they may not even be compatible. Jesus does not want us to judge people based on their past, but rather embrace them for who they are today. The fact is you have done nothing wrong. By getting him to understand what I have wrote, showing him how you feel for him and only him, as well as the both of you getting closer together and growing your relationship will surely help him to get passed these feelings. Prayer together about this is also important to do. This will not only help him get passed this, but also strengthen your relationship as well.

If his family tries to negatively impact the relationship due to your divorce I would just remember that Jesus died for our sins and saved us. You had a bad marriage and I know that God would not have wanted you to stay in that type of marriage. You did your part and it did not work. Hopefully your ex has changed or will. In any case divorce is allowed if one cheats or if the couple is unevenly yoked and one does not want to convert. This is the basic. However, everything else is between the individual and Jesus. If none of these applied to you then you can still get forgiveness from the divorce, which you probably have gotten already by what you wrote because Jesus died for our sins and paid the price. It is about an individual relationship with Jesus and no one can judge that. God wants you to be happy and he will speak individually to you based on your individual situation. It is not about what his family thinks or believes, but rather your relationship with Jesus as well as your boyfriends relationship with him and you both together as a couple. This is why I would not allow his family to judge you or your relationship and hopefully your boyfriend will be strong enough to go with what he believes rather than his family.

With love and including Jesus into your relationship the two of you can get passed this and have a loving relationship together. He needs to remember that in time and after your relationship strengthens more the fact that you had sex previously will be a thing of the past to him and will not stand so strong as it is right now.

I truly hope this was helpful and I wish you both all the blessings in your relationship together. Please let me know if you need any clarification or have further questions. God Bless you both!
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Hi Miranda,

I noticed that you have not left a positive rating for me yet, so I was wondering if I can be of further help to you.