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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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Infatuation or something deeper?

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I've fallen for a woman who is 31 younger than me. I know it's not a good thing but we' re growing closer by the day. Even she has asked if the inevitable will happen. She has another what she calls a good friend who is also my age. I should stop particularly as I'm married but I really like her and love her company. If we carry on I'm sure that we will end up in bed. Her having another 'friend' the same age as me has spurred me on. It's like a competition now.
I'm not sure if its an infatuation but it was not just the fact that she is young and cute that attracted me to her. I enjoy communicating with her and spend up to five hours per evening exchanging texts on all manner of topics.

Ask Eleanor :

Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Give me a moment to carefully read over and consider your question.

Ask Eleanor :

I have been practicing couples and marital therapy for 20 years and am very impressed with the amount of thought you are giving this relationship. Most often, people proceed into a sexual affair without considering the consequences. The fact that you are so attracted to this young woman and spend so much time texting her tells me that you are very lonely in your marriage. Emotional affairs and/or sexual affairs are almost always a symptom of marital problems. You are probably getting the attention from this woman that you are not getting from your wife. And yes, you are infatuated with her; and when we are infatuated we often make decisions we later regret.

Ask Eleanor :

The fact that you feel a competition with another friend of hers who is your age could also cause you to make an unwise decision. So I urge you to think of the consequences of beginning a sexual affiar with this young woman, which could result in an end to your marriage. I believe you would find seeing a therapist very helpful in sorting through your feelings at this time and making a good decision. I hope this is helpful. Chat back if you need anything further and I will continue to help. If you are satisfied with my answer, please submit a positive rating. Thank you and take care, Eleanor

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