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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I need some advice. My boyfriend and I had been dating for

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I need some advice. My boyfriend and I had been dating for 6 1/2 years. We were happy and finally talking about moving in together in March when my lease was up. Out of the blue, one of his ex's from 12 years ago contact him and he cheated on me with her. He broke up with me. That was two months ago. He came back after being with her only two months, sincerely XXXXX XXXXX to forgive him that he made a mistake and that he loved me and wanted to continue on with us moving in together. Everything was great, I forgave him. Here's the problem. I am a spiritual woman on a spiritual journey and when he came back, I stopped doing everything for me and instead was buying things for him, taking him out to dinner, constantly texting him and calling him, fearing that he would leave again. Basically, I smothered him. So here we are back together for a month and out of the blue three weeks ago, he tells me he's going back to her. When he came back the first time, he told me, the reason he left her 12 years ago is because she always had to be the center of attention when they were out, he said her house felt like it had bad energy and that he hated traveling to her house which was in a town where he used to live and that she stayed up late, because she is a bar owner. We didn't go out to bars, he is a workout guy. On top of this whole thing, her boyfriend who she owns this bar with broke up with her and is now married. She knew my boyfriend had a girlfriend. I was very sweet and good to him. From what I have heard alot of people know her and she is not a very nice person. I am dying inside and everyday is unbearable being without him. He did text me over a week ago while I was out of town for Thanksgiving to ask me how my trip was. When I came back i text him back thanking him for thinking of me and that i was moving on and just wanted him to be happy. Everyone is telling me to not contact him that he will eventually miss me and leave her again. Do i do the no contact rule. I want to text him so bad but I'm scared. Here's the worst part, he lives only a block away, and she is always at his house. Please give me some advice.
I am so sorry that this is happened to you. You sound like a very good woman and did not deserve this. This must be very difficult for you with him just living down the block. There can be many reasons why he went back to her. He can also be confused. Some people have low self esteem and actually do not appreciate a good woman, but rather be with someone who does not treat them good because that is what they feel they deserve. It can be many things. If you are being told that you smother him and he already left you I would not recommend you continue contacting him. I would write him a letter just letting him know how you feel from your heart and get everything out in that letter. Letting him know that you will not contact him again since you are moving on, but that does not mean you stopped missing or loving him. This will serve the purpose of two things the no contact as well as him still knowing how you feel and not thinking you do not care because you are not contacting him. This will also serve as closure for you. I would then recommend you take care of yourself and stay active doing things you may have wanted, but not had the chance too. Healthy activities and hobbies keeping yourself busy can help take your mind off of him and help you to feel better. Even though it seems the pain will never go away it really does. But then if he does come around in the near future you can always reevaluate your situation at that time to see if it is something that you still want to go back to. I think doing this will cover you in all aspects while doing the right thing for you. I truly hope he comes around, realizes what he had in you and does the right thing .

Please let me know if you have any more questions or would like any clarification. I wish you all the best in this difficult time.
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