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For coach JenK only: Well its been awhile and I havent

For coach JenK only: Well...
For coach JenK only:
Well it's been awhile and I haven't been talking with my ex for over a month now. I have ran into him but never started talking. Until this weekend I was going through some papers and found few important ones that belong to him. I called him up...now he says 'we have a lot to talk about soon'. I don't understand what we need to talk about? Need some clarification and advice
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Answered in 3 hours by:
11/15/2012
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,697
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified

CoachJenK :

Hi welcome back. sorry it took me a bit to respond.

CoachJenK :

I look forward to hearing how you are and what is going on.

Customer:

Things are going great! I feel so much better now that I don't have my ex in my life.

CoachJenK :

Love to hear your happiness.

CoachJenK :

just an FYI: my internet is going in and out all day so if I disappear it is not by choice and i will try and get back on as soon as I can. But so far so good right now.

Customer:

ok...Thanks for the heads up!

CoachJenK :

So tell me more.

Customer:

So...i haven't been talking to my ex. Until recently...I found some papers that were his and decided to call him and let him know. I should mention the entire time my ex and I had not been talking he was doing everything in his power to avoid me. It even affected his work...He would do everything possible to avoid me. Until yesterday, He can up to me and asked me for a turkey recipe I used to make. Being the nice person I am, I told him I would look and walked away. Anyway later that night I called him and pretty much right off the back he said "we have a lot to talk about soon" and said how good it was to hear my voice and talk with me. It wasn't a long coversation but he ended sounding so happy and said "we'll talk soon...Have a good night".

Customer:

Its been bothering me because I have no idea what we need to talk about. My ex never wants to talk about things. Why would he say that?

CoachJenK :

He has probably had the time alone to reflect and maybe wants to clear the air.

CoachJenK :

You have allowed him back in before only to be hurt so be cautious in how you proceed and please dont abandon any of the progress you have made.

Customer:

Maybe...it just doesn't seem like him. While working last week...he had to see me talking to other men..joking and laughing...I could tell that really bothered him because he started to say things under his breath and would NOT look at me even while we were working together...He seemed fine earlier in the day. That kind of behavior makes me really cautious about what he thinks we need to talk about. When earlier he was telling me how he was just sitting at home and "hoped everything was going well for me" ...It all seems very familiar! I want to know what he thinks we have to talk about.

CoachJenK :

if you have healed and moved on then focusing on that will not help you to continue to move forward. It sounds to me that his statement of we have a lot to talk about soon is just away to keep you hanging on and i can hear that it brings you back rather than forward.

CoachJenK :

he has been good in the past about dragging you back in and then hurting you all over again.

Customer:

Sorry my computer kicked me off for some reason!

Customer:

Yes he has been good about that in the past but this time my heart isn't in it! When he used to say those sweet things to me I would hang on to those words but now I am on to his game and it makes me think less of him. I think he knows that I am done and want to move on...and honestly I think that bothers him. But what he doesn't know is that I am Done and I am moving on...just because I have talked to him does not mean I want to be together with him. My thought it that he wants to talk about being friends and not a relationship but I am still uncertain...he is just being too sweet...almost flirtatious. I dpnt

Customer:

I don't know if he has a GF but I would not want my BF talking to his ex the way he does...even if it doesn't mean anything! There is that small part of me that thinks he wants to try and work on things but wants to make sure I am still there....which is probably why he doesnt text or call me...just like in the past. And the whole thing about him wanting to talk...it still gets me...he has never said that to me except when he broke my heart. He is thinking about something...I just don't know what it is. Plus...those papers i found he told me he would come get them later ;)...I kind of think that is part of his game...He knows I have it and he will come get it when he feels me pulling away...there is still a tie there! He also has an item of mine...which i don't really care about...but he said the other day "I still have that...I'll have to drop it by"...that was last week and he has had it for over a month...I kind of feel that he is making sure he still has some reason to contact me.

CoachJenK :

You sound very clear and I am happy to hear of all of your positive changes.

CoachJenK :

I think you are on target with him trying to reel you back in because you have stepped away. Continue your growth.

Customer:

Yeah...I am going to keep growing. I do have a question...should I bring up the fact that he wants to talk or just let him do that?

Customer:

Like I said I don't want to talk really...I have a feeling he will try something

CoachJenK :

i wouldn't. it only keeps you in this game of his. Live your life.

Customer:

K...That's what I was thinking. If he has something he needs to say...He has my #. I don't have a desire to even call him up and just chat...I know him too well

CoachJenK :

exactly. you are clear and you have done some great work on yourself. and just because he wants to talk doesn't mean you have to even if he does call. Still your choice.

Customer:

True!! :)

CoachJenK :

so you get to decide based on what works for you.

Customer:

yep...I feel in control right now and that is where I want to be :) It's my life

CoachJenK :

thats what I want to hear. Great work.

Customer:

Thanks :) And Thanks for listening...my friends are more tired of my ex's came that i am! Just needed to get some thought out and make sure I was going in the right direction...Thank you

CoachJenK :

my pleasure as always. I am here when you need.

CoachJenK :

keep me posted.

Customer:

K Thanks again!

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,697
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
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Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,697
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