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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5839
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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hi, i went out with this girl and it was kind off really fast,

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hi, i went out with this girl and it was kind off really fast, so like the next day she says she want to actually take things slow because we hardly knew each other but she actually wanted to give it a try, we still kinda like go out each weekend and talk and stuff like that, how do i know if she is actually legit or just a fake which in that case i need to end the relationship all together.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

One way to tell if this girl is legit is to give this relationship some time. You both just met and it is very hard to judge someone before you know something about them. So a bit more time just talking and getting to know her will help.

You also want to look out for what she says. If she tells you things that don’t turn out to be true, talks about herself a lot and seems very interested in shallow things, you may want to reconsider the relationship. No one is going to be able to be perfect, but if a majority of what she says seems off or sounds untrue, then you can assume that there are issues.

Also, look out for her behavior. If she has dates with you then cancels all the time, talks about past boyfriends a lot, asks to borrow money or for other favors immediately, those are also signs of someone with issues.

The fact that she brought up taking the relationship slow is a good point in her favor. Anyone who rushes into a relationship most likely has needs or issues that are going to cause problems in that relationship. So slowing down and getting to know each other is a good idea.

I hope this has helped you,

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TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

yes, very good info, she also says that she has had very bad experiences with bad boyfriends and she said she wants to make sure it goes better because she said things that start fast end fast, and i have at one point stop talking to her and she was like really sad and her friends started telling me a lot of things like why did i do that and it made me seem like she actually wanted to give it a try and not just blow me off which was what i thought in the beginning which is why i stop talking to her, and like we are already planning a trip together and she seems really enthused about it so i guess she actually considers us somewhat.

It sounds like she has reason to feel hurt as she does from her past experiences. That might make her more thoughtful and careful with you. But that is also a normal response to her pain and not one meant to hurt your relationship. It sounds like the relationship is going well so far. Try to keep the communication open as much as you can to stop you both from misinterpreting any behaviors. That will help a lot.


Customer: replied 4 years ago.

yes, i also told her that im not used to the whole relationship thing a lot because i just got out of the army and i don't have a lot of experience with this but i just liked a lot that that was the reason i asked her out but not because i was trying to pull any kind of fast one or anything like that so hopefully im doing everything right so she can also understand and i don't screw anything up, but one other thing i did tell her was that i do get jealous because of other past relationships which is why i might of been forward but hopefully it doesn't bother her, i know girls just like to talk in general and all that kind of stuff but hopefully i don't misinterpret anything

As long as you are clear that you want to be open and honest and you don't want to hurt her, that should help.

My best to you both,