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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I have been dating this girl for about 10 weeks now. I am

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I have been dating this girl for about 10 weeks now. I am 29 and she is 31. We see get together several times a week, she has met my parents and I have met her parents. We pretty much spend all available time together and out time spent together is as rewarding as I've ever had with a woman.

However we have yet to progress intimately beyond brief make out sessions. We begin and end each get together by kissing hello and goodbye and kiss multiple times during the date. She says that she just will not get more intimate with a guy until she is convinced that the relationship will be long term. That policy is fine with me except that if she still isn't sure whether this has long term potential, I feel like something is way off.

We have had discussions twice now about that the fact that she can't seems to "dive in" to this relationship fully. I have told her that I am 100% in and she has stated that I am everything she has been looking for but she just can't quite take the leap. She has stated that it might be the fact that the last guy she dated she was really into and let herself "dive in" sooner than she normally would and he soon after dumped her via text, which broke her up pretty bad. She says that she acknowledges that its not fair to expect me to stay when she can't make up her mind but that she really can see getting there someday and doesn't want to give up on it.

My question is this, am I being played for a fool by her or even by my own rationalizations? My gut tells me that while she is everything I have been looking for if she doesn't have consistently strong enough feelings yet its a pipe dream to think they will suddenly show up later. When we're together I am convinced this girl is everything I want and need and I truly believe that she feels the same but I don't want to waste my time if I'm wrong.

Am I rationalizing a bad situation here or is it very possible that time will heal all and 6 months from now, if I stick it out, I will look back on this and laugh?

You could look back and laugh. But in reality no one knows if that will be the case. Love is all about taking chances. There is no way to look forward and know that it will work out. It is concerning that she is scared but after that breakup she may just be reacting to the last situation. She may need time to grow into the relationship. You have to decide if she is worth taking a chance on and how long you will wait. If the price is too high then you may want to back off but considering her history she may be telling you the truth. Many couples grow into love. One partner may be much more comfortable being in the relationship at first then the other. The worst case scenario is that you eventually move on. You won't know what would have been unless you make a commitment to this. I would give myself a time frame. If she has not been able to let go then you move on then. You are saying she is well worth it so give it some time and let her get more comfortable. You will know if you have waited long enough. In the meantime show her security and honesty. This often wins over baggage.

Please press positive feedback so I am compensated

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I thank you for the answer and I will give positive feedback.


However I wanted to add something to wrap it up for me. If its more likely than not that she is telling the truth and it is only fear that is something that I know will subside with time and I will wait however long it takes.


My fear is that she is not necessarily outright lying but using fear of committing as a plausible excuse for a more fundamental missing piece because she doesn't want me to go but is probably never going to come around. If that's the case, I believe this is a waste of my time.


Is it reasonable to believe that if there was something more than fear missing would she have ended by now? If so I will be willing to give a longer time frame.


Thanks Again.



It could be an excuse but you have an idea of how honest she is. She probably wouldn't just be saying that for no reason. I think if there was a major reason for her to end it she would have done that. I would see what happens and if you feel it is going nowhere than end it then
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