How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Dr. D. Brown Your Own Question
Dr. D. Brown
Dr. D. Brown, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 17
Experience:  21 years as Psychotherapist & Relationship Specialist
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. D. Brown is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Met online.. connected & relationship developed. We committed

This answer was rated:

Met online.. connected & relationship developed. We committed to each other and had a marriage ceremony online. 3yrs together. He's 26, I'm 47. He's Transgendered and was abused when a child. I trusted him, believed him and then 5 months ago found out he had been cheating/messing about with other people online. Questioned his ability to be with only one gender & deciding he needed to have both a man & a woman as partners. This was not acceptable for me so I broke off the relationship. He has since told me he regrets pushing me away and was absurd in his thinking and only needs me. Missed me and never stopped loving me. I never stopped loving him. I don't trust him now though, not fully, and while I know I will never find another love such as we feel. It just seems he needs a lot of time and therapy to get his life in order to be stable. I'm not sure how to balance being friends, being a part of each others lives without being together again while he gets his life together. It's been terribly painful for us both emotionally. When we do talk now and spend time together virtually we seem content and calm but everything that has happened between us it feels strained at times. How do we set boundaries, support & care for one another as friends without tripping up into becoming lovers again... and how can he re-build trust with me... how can I ever trust him again? How can we work on trust issues together?

Dr. D. Brown :

Welcome Friend, I am so happy you're here! How are you doing tonight?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Chat ended as I was typing.

I am here if you'd like to re-enter the chat room.
I am sorry if we got disconnected but I am still here- please let me know if I can still be of help. Thanks!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

How do I get back into a chat with you and/or get an answer/advice on my situation I submitted?

Hello again,

I hope you are still there. Trust is something that is the foundation of a good relationship and when there is a rupture or betrayal, it takes time to get that trust back. Not only time, but shared experience which is positive and can recreate trust. Does he want to be friends too? it is very challenging when two people have been romantic, but it can be done. I would recommend asking him what he wants/needs at this time and see if both of you can figure out a common ground of what you want together as you move forward. Give it some time- both of you are very vulnerable right now. You can create new boundaries and a new commitment as dear friends if you decide the marriage isn't going to work, but you will have to be very clear on what is/isn't acceptable for both. I hope this helps.
Dr. D. Brown and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Alright. Thank you. It helps.. it's a start.

Of course. Is there anything else I can help you with tonight?
Hi Lilly,

How are you doing? I was just checking back with you to see how things are. Please let me know if there are any other questions/concerns you may have.

Be Well.
Hi Lilly,

If you are happy with my answer the other day (11/6/12), please check "accept answer" so that I may be paid for my services. Thank you so much!

Related Relationship Questions