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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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16 years of marriage.... he is always pciking on me, always

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16 years of marriage.... he is always pciking on me, always negative...lazy..he will only do things he wats and if he doesn't get his way, he gets upset all the time. I tried everything thing to avoid conflict but he is always able to find something to pick on. He is uneducated and very self centered. That's how he's been. He loved me but he can't change him for family. What can I do not to argue with him? He has no confidence so he will act opposite to cover him up. He won't try to work or do better for himself but he wants me to take care of many things. It's like his way or no way....that's ok if he is consistant and doing a decent job as a father and a husband. I am so sad and un happy but I don't want to give it up.

You don't have to give it up but you may have to do something without avoiding. When you avoid conflict you also avoid solutions. If this is what he is used to this will maintain his need to be self centered. Instead of avoiding make active efforts to end his ways. This of course is going to be a very gradual process and he has to WANT to be a better person. Come to him honestly and see what his motivation is to change. You can't change anyone without their permission. Share the deep sadness that you have for things to be better. You have to stop being solely responsible for this relationship and he has to want to make it better. Once you have had this discussion, decide on what to do. You have self help at your disposal by finding material that suits your personality. My favorite guide is the mars and Venus series. There is a great book on communication and compromise called Mars and Venus Together Forever. If this isn't comprehensive enough then find a marriage counselor in your area even if it is from your livingroom as now. You can access relationship counseling through the internet. If in the end he isn't willing to participate then you can't do it alone. Try the self help first using communication tips and see where that leads.

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