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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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ADVICE PLEASE !!! I met a lovely person online 9 weeks ago.

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ADVICE PLEASE !!! I met a lovely person online 9 weeks ago. He had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend but neither of us were happy in our relationship so we had a one-night stand together. We both instantly felt a connection to one another although we did feel slightly guilty on our partners. His relationship just generally wasn't working.....My relationship was abusive. I refrained from emailling him for 6 weeks and I didn't want to sound desperate. However, I plucked up the courage to email him on 3/11/2012 only to find that he has a new girlfriend.

I have asked him about myself and him and he said that he needs to give a relationship a proper chance to work. He also asked me delete his contact details so there is no temptation to cheat. I love him so much and I know he is attracted to me as he has told me himself.

I really don't know what to do......I know this is going to make me sound horrible but I want his relationship to end so me and him can have the chance of a relationship. Can I have some advice please?
Hello. I Know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but you are going to have to wait it out. It sounds as though he wants to focus on his new relationship right now and there isn't much you can do about that, other than to wait and see if it does work. If he asked you to delete his contact information, then he knows how you feel about him. If you continue to try and contact him, then he will probably get upset and you will make the situation worse. If he really felt like you had a connection, then he would try and make it work with you. It is possible that he does not feel the same about you, I'm sorry to say. I'm just going based on the information you have provided here. If there is a way for him to contact you, then he can contact you if his relationship does not work out. At that point, I would still be careful and a little skeptical that he is contacting you ONLY because his relationship didn't work out. You don't want to be second choice! If he feels strongly about your connection, then he would act on it. The only thing you can do right now is wait, or else you run the risk of making a frustrating situation even worse.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you Paige. I have looked on the internet about similar situations and it worked out for one girl after a long waiting period. I feel upset that I waited for those 6 weeks to contact him as he may have thought that I weren't interested but I didn't want to appear pushy or desperate. I have sent him a Christmas as he said he didn't mind receiving one from me. I was going to email again at Christmas to wish him well and then on a 7 weekly basis to see if he's ok and to maintain some sort of contact.


He asked me to delete his contact details as the temptation was there to sleep with me if we were emailling every day. Do you think that emailling on a 7 weekly basis would be ok?

Yes, you probably should have contacted him sooner, but you can't look at mistakes of the past. If you do, it will just stress you out and you don't need that. I think you can email him at first, but if he doesn't respond, or he seems worried that it may interfere with his current relationship, then I would stop. It's a tricky situation, because you want to make sure he knows he can contact you, but at the same time, if you push a little bit too much, it can cause a problem. Wish him well for the holidays and see what happens next.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks again Paige. One last question: As he asked me to delete his contact details and I am planning on wishing him well for the holidays, should I start the email with an apology as last night, he did invite me to chat with him on Skype but he said it would be sensible if we didn't given the relationship status?

I did ask for another night together. Hence, should I start with an apology?

That is up to you. I do agree that you should respect his relationship and it is good that he is respecting the relationship as well, that shows good character on his part. If you do apologize, also make sure you tell him you regret not contacting him sooner, that you respect his decision about his current relationship and that you do want him to be happy. As long as you are supportive of him and act as a friend more so than a woman in waiting per se, it will be best for the long run.
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