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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Hello, I have been with my partner for 5.5 years now and

Customer Question


I have been with my partner for 5.5 years now and we have had many ups and downs, mainly due to his suspicions and jealousy. I am an attractive, very honest and faitful woman, but he always accuses me of going elsewhere, which I would never do. I have a busy career and due to my work I sometimes need to sozialise with people, which I have limited already out of fear to get into trouble again. We kind of broke up a few times but in the end I never moved out. He has been on dating sites from time to time and every time I question him (if I notice something) he turns it around like I am doing something wrong. He is from Egypt but has been living in the UK for +20years and is a quite liberal muslim. I am German. He is 50 years and I am 43 years. He has been divorced twice. I really don't know what to do anymore, I find it very difficult to leave him, as I still have feelings for him, but sometimes I am not sure if it is love or if if is habit.

Kind regards
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.

Deardebra : Hits jealousy is a sign that he is insecure and loves you too much. He is afraid of losing you because he loves you so much. Being divorced twice would also be an issue because two marriages didn't work out he would be worried that this relations ship would not work out.
Deardebra : He is afraid of losing the one he loves.
Deardebra :

You described yourself as attractive, honest and faithful woman. This show me right away you are a self confident woman that knows what she wants in life. Now your partner has two marriages that did not work out, he feels like he found someone who he loves, adores and he is so scared that he could lose the love of his life. He is nervous about who you are around thinking you might leave him for someone else. This is due to the fact that he does not feel good about himself.

Deardebra :

You don't want to argue back or even deny when he gets jealous. You want to give him positive reinforcement. What you would do the next time he gets jealous is tell him that you are only interested in him because you love him more than he will ever know. He needs to feel self-confident in the fact that you love him.

Deardebra :

He needs to be reassured because he unsure how you really feel. You could tell him you love him, but due to jealousy he is going to constantly be reminded how much you love and care for him.

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