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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I have a mate who I thought was giving me signs of attraction

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I have a mate who I thought was giving me signs of attraction but she is not after confronting her. She has a boyfriend already as she slipped him into conversation to make sure I knew. She has started working at my place of work recently, before working there she thought if she started that a serious converstation may come up soon. She has finally admitted after a few years that she did have feelings for me. I don't know whether to continue being friends with her?

I am sorry that you feel deceived like this. I understand how hard that can be especially if she was giving mixed messages. If you should continue being friends with her really depends on how you feel about her and the situation. If you like her a friend and can deal with what happened then you should continue to be friends. However, if you are hurt by this and really are interested in being more than friends as well as unable to handle being friends then you may want to consider if being friends is a good idea or not. It may not be the best thing for you. I would say analyze your feelings and what you want from here. That will help you make the best decision for yourself as if you should continue or not.

Please let me know if I can be of further help.


Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I dont want to lose her as a friend but at the same time asking myself why has she done this to me? It took alot for her to finally admit she did have feelings for me a few years ago. I dont know how to deal with the situation?

There are many reasons as to why she may have not told you before and that is sad, but if you do not want to lose her as a friend I would say just be open and honest with her about your feelings. This way there will be no resentment toward her and the two of you can work through this.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thankyou, thats what i said to her, to be honest and she agreed. Its comforting to see it from an expert as well. By doing this, will this help keep my feelings for her under control. Cause there is that little bit inside that wishes for more. How do I control those emotions.


It is my pleasure to help. If you want more it is hard to control that since they may become stronger the more you are with her. The way to control that is if you are able to talk yourself into the fact that she is just a friend. If you are able to accept and live with that then you will be able to control those emotions, but there is a chance that it may be too difficult. In that case you may not be able to be her friend or at least not see her much until the feelings die down. This you would need to see as things progress and go from there based on how successful you are at controlling your feelings.