Dr. Tiye : Hello, it seems like your most important task is just to show him. Being consistent from day to day and letting him know that you are in it for the long haul. Also asking him to tell you what he needs to be reassured. Because he has so much experience with being rejected and disappointed, there really is nothing else you can say. You just have to show and prove while listening to what he says that he needs. What are your thoughts about that?
I do understand that, my only issue is that he would shut down for days at a time when he feels rejected.
Dr. Tiye : That's understandable. What happens after you've dealt with rejection time after time you automatically put you rejection glasses on and see everything through the rejection lenses. What you have to do I'd to reassure him, that this is not that. You are not like anyone else he has ever dealt with and you do not intend to do anything that they have done. Then you remind him of how this relationship is very different.
Dr. Tiye : Even when he shuts down, send him notes, texts, and other reminders of the uniqueness of your relationship.
Dr. Tiye : It will take time and positive experiences with you for him to recognize that you will not reject him and that you accept him for who he is.
I have been doing exactly that I do know that this is going to take time he lost his mom when he was fifteen and his father was never really around for him. In relationships that he has had in the past all of those women have walked away from him at some point of time. How can i not let my actions trigger these issues for him when we have disagreements?
Dr. Tiye : Sometimes, even disagreements have to be laced in love. "I love you, but you really get on my nerves when you......, I am not going anywhere, but can we figure out a way to work on that"
Ok thank you I understand that. I really appreciate your help with my situation.
Dr. Tiye : You may have to also adjust what you do in disagreements. Do you walk away? Do you get super angry and frustrated?
Dr. Tiye : just remember his past and continue to be supportive and reassuring and remind him of why you want this to last. He needs to know that you think that he is wonderful and worth staying for.
NO i do not walk away, I try not to get angry but i do tend to use had gestures that he might take as a form of rejection
Ok i will try to continue to remember his past
Dr. Tiye : Great, so remain aware of your actions and how he may read them but still be authentic. If you are upset, be upset. You cannot stuff all of your feelings you just have to work at communicating them so that he understands, but doesn't feel rejected.
Dr. Tiye : I wish you the best of wisdom and love in this relationship.
Thank you so much Dr Tiye