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SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 220
Experience:  MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
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My bf and I currently live in different states. I am deeply

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My bf and I currently live in different states. I am deeply in love with him and have shown him on several occasions. He loves me as well but he is terrible at relationships and afraid of commitment. He went thru a really bad break up a while back and it truly scarred him in the trust department. I didnt think I would ever have a chance with him because I used to feel very insecure in myself and he is a very attractive man while I could stand to lose a few pounds. I got over that with his help because he helped me to see myself as beautiful and helped me to lose weight. Now I am confident and happy but I am not happy with the state of our relationship. I want more. I want him completely in my life that means him moving here like he keeps promising to. He on the other hand everytime a friend of his has relationship issues he freaks and starts backing away. and now the reason he is giving me that he can't move in with me is because he doesn't want to cause problems with my kids. I have 3 teenage boys and he says they may not accept him. Should I start the process of moving on? Am I setting myself up for heartache? I tried to pull to pull away but everytime he tells me he loves me I melt and get lost. I'm lonely and I don't want to keep doing the long distance thing. its been a year
With the information that you provided I understand that you want to be in a better relationship with your boyfriend and you want him to move closer. I think a quick way to find out if you are wasting your time is to just have a talk with him. I know that you have tried talking to him before, but this time your talk need to be followed by actions.

Simple tell him that you love him and want your relationship to move forward. Tell him that you understand that he has commitment issues, but if he does not see your himself moving forward with you then you just cannot continue the relationship, and follow through on this.

If he really loves you, then he is going to move forward because he does not want to lose you. If he still does not want to move forward, then you may have to move on. How long are you going to wait until he gets over his commitment issues. Months, or ever years? Because it can take that long.

Also, if he is saying that he does not know if he will be able to accept your kids. Then this may be a sign that you need to move on. You kids are your kids, and nothing is going to change that. You really would not want to be with a man that does not want to accept your children. Once again, if he loved you, then he would should like the extension of you, your kids. Bringing him into the home, if he cannot accept your kids, is going to cause a problems between you and your children and they will resent you for it.
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