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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Hi my boyfriend was off his head on drugs and he told me he

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Hi my boyfriend was off his head on drugs and he told me he thought he was gay which after a few hours text me to tell me he wasn't just off his head but he did visit a gay gym and sauna which he says he thought was a normal gym and sauna. After he returned home he said he didn't know why he did and said that he has never showed signs of being gay he is very into women a real flirt likes to have female attention. He then came and told me he had been abused as a child with his brother. I don't know what to think or do
I am so sorry to hear this. That is very sad and terrible what happened to him as a child.

Your boyfriend right now is confused. He may not be gay, but he may have certain feelings towards men that he may not understand right now. People who are abused as a child have tendencies to abuse as well or be promiscuous. This does not mean that he will abuse or he is gay, but there are a lot of feelings and emotions right now that he does not know how to deal with.

The fact that he also takes drugs is most likely due to the abuse. He probably has a lot of hurt and pain. This is why he takes drugs to relieve it. What makes it more traumatizing for him is the fact that not only he was abused, but it was his brother. This is someone who is supposed to protect and love him. This will cause even more issues deep inside of him. Also, depending what type of relationship they have now it makes it even harder for him

Consciously right now your boyfriend probably does not know what he feels about all of this. He may be interested in men one day then realize he is not. This is because subconsciously he is confused and he has a lot of pain due to what happened to him.

My strong suggestion is for him to go to counseling. This will help him unlock all of the hidden feelings and start to make sense of everything. This will cause a lot of pain and hurt that has been held in for years, but in time he will feel better and make sense out of all of his feelings. He can deal with what happened, so he can live happily and understand his feeling.

I would also look into if there can be any legal action taken on his brother. It would depend how old his brother was and the situation. But wouldn't hurt to speak to a legal professional about that if indeed he wanted to take that route.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hi it wasn't his brother it was his uncle his brother was abused aswell my boyfriend managed to get away from the situation a while after it started but his brother stayed in the same room as the uncle so my boyfriend is unsure how long it went on for with his brother as they never spoke about it and his brother then committed suicide in his twenties so my boyfriend says he feels guilty for leaving his brother
I see, I am so sorry about that. That is terrible that happened. That will definely cause scarring in him. The fact that he was abused, but got away and his brother didn't and continued to be abused then committed suicide. In addition to what happened to him he is also holding on to all this guilt and pain from his brother. He is probably angry and upset. All this guilt is weighing him down. There is so much emotion in him right now it is a wonder how he is able to cope each and everyday. Living with this must be extremely difficult for him. This can cause lots of confusion in his likes and dislikes. I wouldn't worry about him being gay. It doesn't seem like that is the case. He truly just need the right counseling that will help him get everything sorted out within him in order to handle this pain and be able to live.
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