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SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 220
Experience:  MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
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For SLREED... My ex husband will not pay me child support.

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For SLREED... My ex husband will not pay me child support. He's ordered by the court to do so yet he won't even with the court order. What would make a man not pay the mother of his son!
I had also asked him for permission to take our son to Texas for the weekend to see family and he has yet to even agree or he continues to refuse... Even after I let him take our son to Colorado.
Is the whole not paying me his plot to not see me happy a way to smoke me out of my rabbit hole , so to speak, a way to control me?
The whole traveling thing another way to control me as well.
Who knows with the child support. Some men use it child support as a way to get back at the mother. Some men do not understand the concept offer child support. Some men look at it as a the mother trying to be greedy and take money from them. Some men think that because they spend time with the child that they should not have to pay any money.

So because of this perceptions of child support, some men decide not to pay, they see it as a women's way to get back at them. And knowing you situations, it may be another way that he is trying to be spiteful toward you, because he knows that child support is something that directly affects you. So he knows that if he does not give it to you, then you will be upset.

The traveling thing, I think yes this was out of spite. Just knowing that he could stop you from doing something that you wanted to do with your son. There was not real reason to say know, accept that he knew it would make you mad.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Someone told me that these efforts if his are like when a hunter tries to smoke a rabbit out if a hole. Is this almost the same efforts here. Might he be trying to smoke me out of a whole to make me come to him?

It is a possibility. But I do think that at this point, he is trying to be spiteful and make you mad. I think that when you first broke up, he may have hoped that you would have came back to him. However, as time went on and you moved on without him, he may have realized that you coming back may not happen. As a result, he seems to be finding things to do to upset you, get to you, and make you mad. The reason for this, is because he is mad and upset and he would like you to feel the same way that he feels.


On some level, he may be hoping that you realize that you made a mistake not being with him, his way of showing you this is not paying the child support. He may hope that you will come to see that you need him in some way (even his money), and that you leaving him was a mistake.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you! But I didn't actually leave him he left us for another life, the greener grass so to speak, and I was ok with it! I let him go and went on with my life. So is it the same thing? I mean is he shocked that I was ok with it doing fine w/o him.

I do think that it is the same thing. For many men in my experience. They think you would beg for them back, or least not be so "nice " about them leaving. And now that you moved on and did something better with yourself. When people in general break up with one another. The last thing they want is to see that person doing better without them.


Since you are doing better without him, he may now see what he has left behind, and that he has no chance of getting you back. Even though he left, somewhere in the back of his mind he may have hoped you would beg for him back, or still be his "friend with benefits" but since you did the strong and mature thing, it makes him mad and spiteful. I think this is what affects him the most. Now he tries to find ways to get back at you, for doing better without him.

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