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SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 220
Experience:  MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
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I feel very anxious every time my husband talks or spends a

Customer Question

I feel very anxious every time my husband talks or spends a lot of time with other females. It ruins my life and long to feel at ease with what appears to be normal behavior. My husband had a couple of affairs a few years ago, one very meaningful, at work. I also seemed to be two=timed by my boyfriends more than normal before my marriage. I am 50 now and feel very vulnerable and cant see any hope of having a normal trusting relationship.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  SLREED replied 4 years ago.

It can be very hard to recover after an affair. Especially by one that was done by your husband. Some tips that I can give you consist of the following. First, your husband needs to gain your trust again. You can talk to him about your fears and your feeling in regards to him spending time with other females.


Try to put it in a way that he will understand. Try telling him that you have forgiven him for the affair but still have trouble trusting him and that you prefer that he decrease the time that he spends with females when you are not around. Of course he cannot exclude work female, but as far as other female friends or associates, he can. Tell him that you have anxiety regarding this, and that you need to work on trusting him again.


As your husband, if he has had this indiscretion in the past then he should be open to you request. Also, you may want to consider personal counseling for yourself to work through some of the trust problems that you have. If you want couple's counseling may also help in this situation, to assist you in trusting him again, and work on his gaining your trust again.