KansasTherapist : Hello
KansasTherapist : From the story you tell about recent events, it seems your friend has made his choice. After spending time away from his girlfriend and spending that time with you, he has gone back to the other relationship. The fact that she's married, and unlikely after two years to end her marriage, doesn't seem to be a deciding factor for him.
as I thought, so nothing more to do other than remain friends, if I can still handle it
KansasTherapist : That's what I would say.
Am i being hopeful in thinking that, even if the affair ended, he would come back to me. And if that happened, I would feel like 2nd best. Is there any point in speaking to him about it more?
KansasTherapist : It's hard to say whether he would come back to you or not if the affair ended given that he was so heartbroken when you broke it off before. I think a better question is, do you want to be with a man who is comfortable in a long affair with a married woman. That speaks to a questionable sense of right and wrong.
Point taken, I guess I'm relating back to how it was when we were together the first time. That time was recaptured in the 2 weeks we spent together. by both of us (by his own admission). Do you think this situation is suiting him a bit too much, in as much as he has a good part of both of us? Can I make an ultimatum and still remain friends with him?
Is he afraid of further commitment with either of us?
KansasTherapist : The distance he has in the affair, not living with someone and seeing them when it works out, may be something he's come to like about that relationship. He also, likely enjoys being friends with you and may be thinking if he can have more of you, also as is needed basis, that would be fine for him. Obviously, that would not be satisfying to you. It seems to me you gave this man a golden opportunity to return to the relationship you once had, and he let it pass. I don't think he's going to change his mind.
Ok, not the answer I wanted but it was the answer I expected. Guess I just needed to hear it from somebody objective. Thanks for your time and help.
KansasTherapist : You're completely welcome.